Short Journey

This year summer is showing up the new power of being hot. I can’t believe how hot was back home in last two weeks. I couldn’t even think about going out and enjoying the city attraction. Anyway, after spending two weeks in one of hottest spot in the world and absorbed tons of shining energy from sun, I came back Sweden. I think I never gonna try Iranian summer again; I almost lost some part of my body in that heat. Most interesting part of this trip was my family and because of sun and summer holiday we were hanging out whole day long. I learned something new that I never learned before. I always though my brothers and my sisters are completely different and each of us has really unique personality but after five years separation and living with many strangers now I can strongly say that my family members are really similar only with few different which mostly is physically, not personality. They had same thinking structure as I do and they react against every look like I do. Even each of us has different life style and dream but that doesn’t mean we are different. I can totally say, we are same but in various situation. For example, my younger brother is me if I was decided to become a house constructor. He never wants to continue his study and he always want it to be a working constructor and he became one of them and he dose it good and he likes it. I remember when I was younger we rebuild our house and every body in family worked together and in that time I was so upset of my working and even I worked much better than others but I knew that job was not mine. Now I’m working in university that I like it most and my brother works with small company and both of us do our job in same way and even fight for our life in same way. I think having same life background is really important for each person and makes big different from other. So if you want to know who is exactly look like you then try to see who was living exact situation that you did.

Rainy Girl

I look out side every morning to see her again. She always wears same style, pink scarf, gray coat and skirt, white shirt and shoes. I don’t know she has many same clothes or she just has one set of clothe. I like her when she is biting her breakfast in the corner of bus station and looking periodically to see if is bus coming or not. Today is cloudy and windy and I’m petty much sure that rain will be coming any moment soon. I put some milk on the top of my breakfast-serial and start eating it behind the window. Now I can see her from far away. She is coming to bus station on time every day and she has her breakfast in her hand. Suddenly weather becomes rainy and every body in street runs for a roof to keep it dry, except her. She doesn’t even change her step faster. She opens her arms and looks to the sky, seems she is hugging the rain. I think it is first time I see her smiling. She stays a little bit and rotates on her foot then stops. Her look becomes serious again and she starts walking to the station again. Under the roof of bus station she is eating her breakfast. I look at her, I never see somebody who eats freely in that crowed station without even look at other people reaction. We finish our meal in same time. I wear my pants and come back to the window to see her. She walks back under the rain again and every body starts staring at her. She looks up to see the sky and in the corner of her eyes she sees me behind the windows in third floor. Our eyes get direct contact for a moment and then she looks other way and closes her eyes face to face with the rain. Bus comes and people are rushing to it but she still standing under the rain and when last person get in the bus then she walks inside the bus. She stands behind the door and when the door is closed and bus moves to go she looks at me and covers her face with pink scarf except her eyes and then she shakes her hand as a goodbye sign and winks.

written by Mohammad Hosseini

Playing Game

Being confused in partnership is most difficult part of any relation and takes a lot of time to get read of it and most the times is including “playing game” between two persons. We should remember when we start to handle a game in the relationship that means something big is missing. The game is mostly happened between two people who just met and they are not sure about each other situations. I personally don’t like it but sometimes you need to get involve to it because if you never try it then how you can find somebody that you like. Most girls like to show that they are hard catch and because of that they put first step and doesn’t matter how much they like men they need a proof. According to reality, most social girls get approach every week so they have a lot of experience of different men moves. After while they come up with a solution to filter some of regular men and focus on specific one and those games are some part of their filtering and probably they need it to not do same mistake with men over and over again. Some of typical girlish games are as follow:
Girls are answering your call fast to make it hot and then no answering for while to make it cold to check your reaction and come up with an answer for important question, “why that man is interesting to her?”
Girls start looking at your eyes and your body language and ask simple question that they already know the answer or they can guess it to find “that man is a person who telling truth or not”
Girls say no; when you give them choice to choose because they don’t want to be responsible for doing things wrong such as “are you coming to movie with me?”
Girls say yes; when they find out men are loosing their interest because girls want to meet ideal person and when guy is cooling down they feel safer with him such as “I’m going to dinner with some friends and their friends do want to come?”
Girls usually make lame excuse to check men to see “how desperate men are? Or how much men fight for them?”
And many other games that are out of my time to explain. Now a new question is coming up; do we think these games and filtering would help us? Big problem about the filtering people is that two kinds of people are passing those filters. First is our favorite match and second is professional serial dater and as you can see those two persons are really different and they will affect your life differently, which makes you either happy or sad. In bottom line, what we should do about it? Should we practice to prepare for those games and get involve in many relation to find our final match – or - Should be honest and looking forward to someday that somebody show up in our life and makes us happy person in the world?
written by Mohammad Hosseini

Reality

من از وقتی یادم هست چه تو خانه و چه تو محل تحصیل همیشه سخن از این بود که باید آدم تا جای که ممکن است رشد اجتماعی بکند و به قول معروف برای خودکش کسی بشود اما این کسی شدن یعنی چی؟ فکر می کنم بزرگترین مشکل جامعه بشری خصوصا جوامع سنتی این هست که یکسری ایدآل گرای در این جوامع دیده می شود که کار علمی زیادی روی آن نشده است مثلا اگر شما هر کتاب ادبی را باز کنید در آن مللو است فرهنگ و آداب اجتماعی است و از آنجا که در هر دهه روی آن کار خاصی صورت نگرفته اصل ماجرا فراموش شده و تنها تصویری از آن باقی مانده که جوابگوی نیاز جامعه مدرن نیست و در دنیای امروز با تمام اثراهای که با خود می اورد ما باید بتوانیم زبان بیان جدیدی برای حفظ ارزشها پیدا کنیم تا انسانها بتوانند با آرامش در کنار هم زندگی کنند. خلاصه همه مردم جامعه می خواهند در زندگی کسی باشند و اما بیشتر آنها نمی دانند که کسی شدن یعنی چه و تنها تلاش می کنند با کپی کردن کارهای دیگران بدون داشتن منطقی قاطع برای آن بیشتر جلب رضایت دیگران را به عمل بیاورند تا نشان دهند که بلاخره کسی شده اند اما حقیقت این است که آنها هم مانند تمام افراد دوروبرشان گیج و مبهوط در زندگی قدم می زنند بدون اینکه تعریف درستی از کارهایشان داشته باشند و دست آخر وقتی حقیقت زندگی به آنها فشار می اورد شروع به انجام دادن کارهای متنوع و بدون هدف می کنند تا خود را در انبوه جامعه مخفی می کنند و تا جای که ممکن است تلاش می کنند تا با تنهای خود تنها نباشند زیرا در آن لحظه است که به پوچی همه چیز پی خواهند برد. پس بدانید زمانی که تنهای برای فردی آزار دهنده است درست زمانی است که ان فرد در خواهد یافت چقدر از حقیقت واقعی زندگی خود فاصله داشته است

آرام چشمهایم را باز می کنم دیگری سقوطی در خود نمی بینم آیا دنیا به پایان رسیده است یا واقعا چیزی به عنوان آرامش در طبیعت وجود دارد

زندگی اینقدر زوایای پیچیده ای دارد که شاید باورتان نشود اگر تمام رنجهای که تا الان داشته اید کنار هم بگذارید قطره ای هم از حقیقت رنج بشری نخواهد بود

همیشه فکر می کردم زندگی خیلی سخت است و زمانی فهمیدم که چقدر زندگی راحتی تا الان داشته ام که لحظه بسیار کوتاهی ازسختی واقعی را با چشم خود دیدم و از آن زمان یاد گرفتم که همیشه باید لبخندی در چهره ام باشد.

هیچگاه از بلندی سقوط کرده اید. تجسم کنید که از ارتفاع بلندی در حال سقوط هستید درست لحظه ای که می خواهید به زمین بخورید و مطمئن هستید زندگی شما پایان خواهد یافت چه حالی دارید. من کسی را می شناسم که در آن لحظه برخورد به زمین روزها زندگی کرده است.

Bus Station

I was waiting in a bus station to go to the work and the bus was already 5 minutes late. I seated on the bench and putted my iPod on and watched people who were walking in windy morning to go to work. In far way cross street, I saw a person with long gray coat and army green cab. The style and the way of his walking were so familiar and he was walking to my direction and staring on the ground. After a minute he passed me without looking up. I couldn’t see his face through the hat except his chin but everything with him was reminding me to somebody that I knew. Finally a crowded bus came and I jumped to it. I passed people to get close to the other door because I didn’t want to get stuck between people when I’m arriving to my station. In next station that man got in the bus too. His cab still covered his face completely. He looked up fast to check inside the bus and I was wondering why he is familiar to me. He started searching his pockets for while, and I was wondering that what is wrong with that guy and how I know him. He looked at me and them he hidden himself behind people. I didn’t know why he did that probably I was staring at him too much. Two stations later and even before the bus was stopping completely, he jumped out fast and ran. Driver with loud sound said to him “you shouldn’t leave the bus from this door” but he was already gone. He ran 30 meters and then stopped and looked back and after that he was staring to the bus and when bus started to move he ran back and said “stop, stop, please stop the bus”. Three stops later I found a free seat and as soon as I got in seat I felt sleep.

After while I opened my eyes and I was seating in the bus station and it seemed that nothing happened. I looked time, oh God; bus was almost 15 minutes late. Probably I felt sleep and I loosed the bus and I should wait for next one. But waiting was difficult, I started walking to next stop I had enough time for next bus. It was so windy and I closed my gray coat bottoms and pushed down my army hat to my face to protect it against the cold wind. I was walking in street and when I was arriving to next station I saw a guy in station he was staring at me. I didn’t know that guy and it was strange. I preferred to continue walking and catch the bus in next station. Directly when I arrived to next station I saw the bus is coming and then I went to the bus and pulled up my cab to see people in bus it was so crowded and between those people I saw same guy in previous station I didn’t like his way of looking and I covered my face again with hat.

I checked my pocket to see if I brought my USB memory, I had presentation today and I saved everything on that USB, but USB wasn’t in my pocket I got a little bit nerves and started looking in my other pocket and then found out probably it was dropped out from my pocked when I felt sleep in the previous station. I was waiting to get out from bus and run to find it before somebody else takes it. I looked to end of bus again that guy was still staring me and I hatted it. I hidden myself behind the people and in next stop I ran out to go and find my USB and the driver said loudly “you shouldn’t leave the bus from this door”. After 30 meters running I suddenly remembered that when I was reaching to my bus card in the bus I had my USB in my hand and probably I dropped it in the bus and I looked back the bus was ready to go and I screamed “stop, stop, please stop the bus”

written by Mohammad Hosseini

What did we learn from ex-relation?

These days most people have a big history of their relations with other people. Let’s look back and see what did we learn from those relations? In old society when two persons meet each other, after while they get involve more and sometimes they ended up married and they lived rest of their life base on that situation. Now most people are afraid to choose because they always think that would be better option for them in future. They go and go and jump from one relation to another and after while they totally get lost in their life and they don’t know what they want anymore. I think having some experience in our life would be good but living whole life to check every details of each single relation is horrible. For most of us, it is a time to stop missing around and look back to the past and see what did happened? Because we should consider this fact that in every new relation we learn something and we loose something else as well, sometimes we learn how to be careful and more passion and in other hand we loose some parts of our truth and belief. It is better to look at the people with the long history of different partner then you will see, most of them closed their feeling and emotion and in some cases they can’t open it because they can’t take a new damage even their mind and body don’t follow them anymore. I actually saw some people when even somebody mention to be engaged they start having breath problem, their skin rash or all other anxiety sign effects come up.

Let’s take it easy for while and look at outside logically to find best solution and always know our best teacher is our past and stop looking to others, let’s look inside and find what do we need and then just do it. Don’t be difficult because by being difficult you will make your life difficult and then you become confuse and as soon as this confusion become a part of your personality then it will be hard to see real life and then you will loose more and more until it puts you in position that nothing will satisfy you anymore.

by Mohammad Hosseini

Common Language

تازگی ها به این نتیجه رسیدم که استفاده کردن یک زبان جدید برای مکالمات روزمره روی فرهنگ فرد فرد انسانها تاثیر می گذارد مثلا فکر کن شما برای مدت زیادی با زبان خارجی با محیط اطرافت ارتباط برقرار می کنی بعد یک مدت می فهمی که کلیه بیانات تو و نوع دیدگاهت حتی در زمانی که به این زبان حرف می زنی متفاوت می شود برای همین تازه یکسری حقایق برای من روشن شد که چرا صحبت کزدن با ادمها به زبان سوم راحتتر است مثلا اگر من با یک ژاپنی به زبان انگلیسی صحبت کنم مکالمه بسیار زیبای خواهیم داشت بدور از چهار چوبهای اجتماعی فرهنگ ژاپن و جدیدا در مورد سوئدی ها هم به همین نتیجه رسیدم و خیلی جالب توجه بود مردم سوئد آدمهای بسته ای هستند نه به اندازه ژاپنی ها ولی کمابیش مشابه آنها ولی وقتی با آنها با زبان دیگری مکالمه می کنی بسیار آدمهای بازتر و اجتماعی تری به نظر می آیند حتی بین خودشان هم می بینی راحتر با هم ارتباط بر قرار می کنند کاش می شد یک زبان مشترک برای همه انسانی ری زمین بود تا بدور ازتمام چهارچوبهای غیر ضروری اجتماعی راحتر مرزها را کنار بزاریم و ارتباطات را بیشتر کنیم

انسانهای متبسم درون نا آرام دارند و با تبسم به دنبال شادی برای همگان هستند چون ارزش شادی را می فهمند و انسانهای عبوس درون تهی دارند و تهی بودنشان را در پس اخمهایشان پنهان می کنند

شادی حقیقتی است که اگر روزی از زندگی بیرون برود تمامی هستی بی مفهوم خواهد بود و حتی گاهی دردناک و رنج اور

روزی که فهمیدی تنها هستی و این حقیقت بزرگ به رشد اجتماعی تو کمک می کند بزرگترین انسان دنیا خواهی بود و اگر این تنهای تو را به ترس وا می دارد نشاندهنده بینش تکامل نیافته است ...

همیشه باور داشتن دیگران در باور داشتن خودمان مخفی است ...

هیچ می دانستید بیشتر جملات گذشتگان زمانی مفهوم پیدا خواهند کرد که ما هم همان شرایط آنها را تجربه کرده باشیم پس اگر سخنی به نظر نا مفهوم میاید به این مفهوم خواهد بود که ما آن را هنوز تجربه نکرده ایم و قابل درک نیست ...

تازه شش ماه هست که فهمیده ام که زندگی بعدهای زشت وزیبای دیگری غیر از این روزمرگی هم دارد و برای من که تجربه بسیار جدیدی ود و گاهی خیلی ترسناک ....

Being Polite

To be polite in different countries or even in different area of a country comes with various rules. I don’t know how and when these rules are established but pretty much clear most people prefer just follow the routine rules and not to be in front of society eyes -as person who ignore the rules and don’t respect them-. Some times I think when is beauty and being good have same meaning in most culture then how being polite is different? I can come up with some example: spit in street in most country is really impolite but in few countries are normal as well as making noise during eating, calling people with first name, leaving room without saying goodbye, shacking hand or saying hello, kissing in first met, eating as guest without asking, looking to people’s eyes when you talking and opposite, jump in middle of conversation, start making conversation with stranger, seating next to people in bus when other seats are available and many others.
Imagine you have international life and you are traveling from one place to another so how much pressure you will get under each society. Always you should wait first to see what other people are doing and then just follow their steps and most difficult part is when they do something that completely is out side of your social life style or believes. And even worse that you should follow them as well, oh God! It likes hell and most the time even you explain for them, this is not a thing that I can do, but they want you to do it anyway.

For being polite to respect people in different culture means destroy your own believe and be unshaped person look like water -which it gets always the shape of jar-. So do you think after that life becomes easier for you or not? Then new question come up “who are you?” Because every body is recognized by his/her shape and if you loose it, there is nothing left to show your structure and personality.

I think the future life style will push people to the direction of being unshaped to make free land for everybody and who know what will come up from deep inside of human being, look like the new strange effects of freedom in the present situation of modern countries; such as the confusion of sex, gender, culture, sentiment, family and a lot of other problems that create many psychology fields in present life style because people start getting far from a person who suppose to be.

Written by Mohammad Hosseini, Paint by Morteza Katuzian

The Dandelion Seed

The Pappus of Dandelion Clock Seed is opened look liked a beautiful umbrella. Since that moment, the Dandelion Seed find out that he can fly with that small umbrella through the wind to where ever he wants; he can’t wait anymore to see every thing. His plant always tells him that he should be patient a little bit like other seeds because if he chooses wrong wind to fly, who knows where he will end up. But the seed is tired of all these conversation and he doesn’t want to become like other Dandelion around the lake. He wants to have more experience and see all things that none of those Dandelions saw before. He is silent during day and doesn’t talk too much, just staring to East and waiting for Sunrise.

He was born in the corner of forest and near the small lake and he was surrounded by a lot of tall trees. The early morning is his only happy time when Sun starts to rise then he can touch the sunlight. But most of daytime, the sunlight is blocked by the tall trees, and he hates those trees.

The seed hears a lot of stories about how big and beautiful the earth is and far away there is a land that called it desert which Sun is shining whole day and there are no trees to block the light.

Today the seed has different feeling because last night he decided that what he really wants. A yellow nightingale is flying around the lake and singing. The seed calles the nightingale and asks him about the wind. The bird says: when I was flying in early morning other side of forest I saw many black cloud that were coming to this direction and I think they carry rain and usually before rain here the north wind comes and goes to south. So if you want to see Sun you can fly with that wind. That wind is strong and power full he can carries you to far away from here. But I should tell you something, these wind some time goes so far and end up to desert. No body can live there except Sun and sands.

The seed can’t believe him. He thinks every place with Sun will be paradise and it doesn’t matter if anybody else can live there or not. The day passed and in the afternoon weather becomes windy and cloudy. The seed opens his umbrella, the plant becomes upset and tells him that it is not a time, but he says that he can’t wait anymore and by one move he starts flying fast and wild.

After while traveling, he looks at the wing and asks: How do you become this strong and power full and where are we going?

The wind says: I’m the son of warmth and coldness and the warmness of south is calling me and I should go there to cool the desert. We call it “The Golden Land” because we can fly freely every where and play with sands and touch sunlight and everything is look like gold.

The seed asks: Do you know what will be happened next?

The wind says: Nobody knows because every body goes there never come back. I think they don’t want to come back and they love there.

Seed 8is happy and bright, he can see the lake and forest from this altitude and he also can see the Golden Land in far away. The seed and wind are flowing whole night until morning. In the morning the seed find himself in the middle of huge golden land. There is nothing except Sun and sands as the wind told him before. The wind is becoming slow and slow and the seed is getting closer to the land. Sun is shining and makes the wind weaker and weaker until the wind totally is stopped and the seed is caught between two red stones. In the shadow of those stone, the seed can’t see Sun again and he becomes upset. The seed asks the stones: could you please move a little bit I want to see Sun?

Both stones start laughing and then tell the seed: we can’t move. We stock here from many years ago and nobody can escape from this desert.

The seed says: then how can I see Sun?

They say: you should wait for another wind to take you out of here.

Time comes and goes fast and week after week but there is no wind except some light breezes and they weren’t strong enough to take away the seed. After many days the seed lost his umbrella and that means he lost a chance of moving and flying. Week later of loosing umbrella, the seed hears some noises belong to a caravan of people who are crossing desert. They come closer and hours they arrive near the stones and start to make a camp around those stones. One of those people has a huge water jug and he puts it in the shod of two stones to keep it safe and cold -directly above the seed-. The wall of jug is wet and cold and the seed starts feeling something new that never had before. Something inside the seed starts growing and that feel is enjoyable, natural, lovely, fresh and kind of reborn. In the next morning the caravan pack every thing and move, but they forget to bring the jug. The seed is grown fast by water inside the jug and now he has some roots and those roots can get inside the wall of jug and the seed feels so alive and every day his roots get deeper and deeper inside the jug. After several days the seed is became a grown plant and he is still growing ad becoming taller and bigger until he passes the stones and even becomes taller than them, and now he can see Sun again. The combination of Sun and the water inside the jug gives him energy, happiness, power, etc.

The week after that, the water is finished and the jug hasn’t freshness anymore and becomes completely dry, hard and painful. Since that the plant starts to scare and he can’t enjoy Sun, he can’t move and grow either. In fact, the light of Sun increases the heat and makes every thing dry faster. The plant is feeling alone, he remembers his own childhood plant and now he can understand what that plant was saying. The branches of plant are drying one by one and he is loosing his flexibility. He doesn’t like Sun any more he doesn’t like that Golden Land or any of those shiny sands. He knows his life is almost over and he isn’t even grown up enough to have his own seeds.

One day morning, the strong wind comes to that area and a small happy seed traveles with that wind. That seed is stocked between those stone in the same way. The plant looks at the seed and for moment he feels useful and starts to tell the whole story for the new seed. Then he helps the seed to get out of there and tells him that he should get faraway as much as he can to the other green land. The plant uses whole his power to pick up the seed with his leafs and put it over the head of stones then the new seed can fly again with next wind. The plant looses most of his leafs to do this import for the new seed but he is happy because at least for one moment in his life he does something useful to puts his memory in the whole universe. Next day the new strong wind comes and brings the new seed with himself and promises the plant that he will take care of it. The new seed is going far and far and becomes invisible and after that the last leaf of plant is fallen down and his life becomes over … Written by Mohammad Hosseini

The Last Weekend

Today is a sunny Sunday with some cool breezes outside and good time to get some sunlight and release the hangover effects of last night. I pack some sandwiches, fruits, some drink, a book and life magazine, and I’m walking to Lund Public Park. I really like this park with those colorful flowers, butterfly and nice sound’s of birds. The park is full of people most of them are the students of Lund University and everybody seated on a corner of green graces and took tier shirt off to enjoy sun more. I think I’m going to keep my shirt on because I’m brown enough and I really don’t want to get dark brown, last time I did it, it wasn’t look good and took me a month to get read of it.
The smell of tree and flowers are incredible and I’m sorry for those poor people who have allergy to this beauty. After ten minutes walking I find a place to seat and it was more difficult than it seems. Every 20 meters somebody lying down and most of them need a little bit privacy to feel more relax about being half naked under the sun. Finally I find my place in the edge of one tree’s shadow. I spread my linen and take out the sandwiches and drinks. I start eating lunch slowly. The lovely weather makes it feel, twice enjoyable. I look at people most of them are eating and interesting part in Sweden is that you can buy a small recyclable BBQ set with low price and some sausages or even tomatoes and have nice fresh meal. - Most young people are already doing it- After lunch I lay down to read the book – The Zahir by Paulo Coelho – as long as I remember Paulo Coelho became famous some years ago and most of my friend were exciting about his books and because of that partiality, I never read them because everybody was talking about them and that was bothering me. Now I think it’s a time to see why most people were interested to those books at that time and good part is I can buy those books with lowest price right now. After reading ten pages I feel, kind of like it. During reading it seems he is talking to me, face to face, and most slangs, he used, are funny, like the part that her wife told him “Few hotels are in Paris where customers are treated like guests rather than homeless people in search of shelter.” After reading 20 pages its time to switch to something else that doesn’t need any attention. I replace a book with magazine and start looking in the picture. Most pages show happy smiley family in beautiful house and cloths to present urban life style. I always wonder that those families in magazine exist in real life too. Everything in the pictures is perfect, clean, colorful, healthy and organize. Probably we need those shiny advertisings to give us the aim for going forward and believing somehow and somewhere we will be one of those families. After 10 minute I get tired of watching the perfect life in the paper so it’s time to lay back and listen to music. I like the mixed combination of different music. Recently I listen to the Old Classic, Asian Folk, Persian Traditional, English Pop and Electronic Dance Club music in the same time. The best way is to put your mp3 player in shuffle mode and leave there. I just find something interesting about music. My favorite music has three general categories, first group is those that are usually refreshing my past memories, second group is those that are getting match easily with my dreams, third group is those that actually have deep art and feel behind them to touch my soul. I almost listen to 12 tracks and I think I should go back home, there are a lot of cleaning responsibilities left for me in my apartment that I should take care of them and there is no time for doing them until next weekend. I think other people have same feel most of them prepare to leave. Now I can call today as weekend and it was actually healthy one.
Written by Mohammad Hosseini

Modern Society

I was walking whole night and wondering, “what is left in my life that I should take care of it and what do I really need for my next social step? Is that, anything I do, making any sense?” I don’t know, except that being healthy, what is really left? As long as I can remember everything we have or we want, is other people request, which the society teach us to be part of our request too. But it is not true and never is going to be. Let’s forget everything we learned as being good or bad and let’s look back one more time and see what’s happened to our life. You want to be best employee, student, worker or what ever you do. Aren’t those mean you should be good to make benefit for others because all of them make sense when somebody else is involve in your life. So now question is changed, can you live alone and what is frightening about loneliness? Is it a tricky question? All of us know that the being alone is quite scary and most people can even think about it. They always need to be surrounded with others. And this fact makes them to start getting married, born child, hanging out with friend and relation and always making new plan to get more involve in the society. Now we go to next question, what is wrong to be alone? If you can prepare to live the outside of society and have less touch with people that makes you freak or brave. You see even questioning of it not easy. I totally can see the future with many complicated rules to make people survive in their life. And this is part of their punishment for being afraid of loneliness, which increasing every year and we will call those rules Modern Society as we do it right now. Written by Mohammad Hosseini

How society can effect people

Yesterday with two other friends we talked about our childhood life style. One of them is Paulo from north part of Rio de Janeiro city in Brazil and other is Tim from Hannover City in Germany. They grew up with completely different life style. Paulo told me that in his neighborhood at least one person per week was killed by gun around 1982 to 1990, which it was most critical age for him to get effect by society. He also said sometime their family were fight for their life, and the mugging, drug-traffic, gun shooting, abusing kids and rapping were every where. He learned how to take care of himself since 7 years old and he was mugged several times by different street gang and he saw actual shooting and murder in street. His family move from Rio to San Paulo when he was 18 years old and then his family life became safe and stable.

Tim’s story was totally different. He grew up in safest area in city that most people in his neighborhood were educated and he never actually had real fight and he never even saw it before age 15. Most horrible time he ever had was a punishment that he got in school for running in the hall or jumping from wall.

I was thinking whole day after this conversation about the effects of society on people. Paulo has really quiet personality, kind, funny, flexible, understanding, strong, social smart, reasonable, forgives you easy, helps you most the time, no complain, sometimes not on time, social, simple out side, complicated inside, easy worker and completely grown up. Tim has unique character and he has his own idea for every thing, always busy even seems he doesn’t do anything, becomes upset fast, takes time to forget you, picky, respectful, polite, math smart, always follow the rules, lives in surface, honest, dependent, family guy, little isolated, not good talk but good listen, serious, on time, complicated out side, simple inside, little childish behavior and hard worker.

Both of them are good researchers and nice coworker. I think it is good to consider these examples and start to know ourselves better. And learn how to pick up the good part of thing in society and educate the other lake part that society can’t give it to us. Written by Mohammad Hosseini

The breaking heart in modern life

In the modern life most people are taking care of their own life and fighting hard to survive in the cruel society. This kind of persist has old history and human being have solved some part of it but still you can see very much left behind to take care of. Modern life style gives people more freedom to do what ever they want and makes them able to examine themselves in the different ways. The problem is, the education of the meaning of being free is always behind the people’s freedom and develops itself by people’s mistakes slowly. Imagine that you live in the city with huge opportunities to select who ever you want in your life. Then you will surround yourself with the small community of people that you like. After while this small community starts to show it’s other side and this is because the nothing is designed perfectly for your situation. You like your life then you will decide to move on and go to select new people in new community because life is short and you deserve to have fun. In your next choice you will find the same problem with the same cause but you learn this fact that there is possibility that life will not follow as you are expecting it. The time goes and you do same routine again and again and in the end you find out that you gave away very much of your time, energy, humanity, emotion, morality, purity, etc to find your ideal life. If you get in this point then you will have two choices. First, stick with rule that you already believe and live as the way you always lived. Second, try to ignore some parts of your needs and put one step for other people requests to make it work. In the first choice you will always feel alone and left behind and in the second choice you always feel unsatisfied. I think for being alone and in love with life, you should be really aware of your needs and wise. The most people can’t do it. But the second condition is much easier and more trustable and even you are wise enough that makes it more enjoyable at same time.
Now it’s time to ask what is the breaking heart part in this conversation. The breaking heart is most damage that every body can cause or get in the relationship. Having more experience probably gives you more knowledge but in the same time cost you more. And wisdom is something else and doesn’t have any thing to do with the knowledge. Nobody wants a damaged emotional society and for that we need to be wiser and less selfish. I know few people that had some unsuccessful relations and because of deep damage, they stop to even think about new relation. In most case their partner was confuse, injured from past relation or inexperienced.
Let’s start to open our heart and accept whole facts of life and swim in the society with pure human being and honesty. Let’s show ourselves they whey we are and increase our wisdom and ignore some selfishness to create better community and give other people a chance to have a life with less paint and suffering in it. And believe this fact that all human being are made in same way and any pain for others will be pain for us in different time and place. Let’s to be in love with life and know that other people are part of same life.

Written by Mohammad Hosseini, Paint by George Hunt

What do you mean the good research?

Young researchers always are worried about their career and this makes them mostly confuse in their research field. There are bunch of stuff that they should take care of them, publication, new finding, skill, being update, searching next job, getting match with new team and even new research field or culture, etc. If you look back then you can see each of them is a big barrier for others. Recently most researchers try to have a good CV with fastest and shortest way as possible to survive in research community. These make them to spend most of their times to take care f publications and connections and as soon as they come up with first simple idea in their research, which has basic property of a publication, directly they will publish it and move on. There is no time for challenging, improving or getting deep because they should take care of other things as well. Now these days when you are searching about a specific subject you will find a lot of research work but most of them just repeating each other again and again and some times you can see they are doing same mistake and nobody even consider that clear facts. How we can be creative? Spend time to review the background of research, start to find parallel research field, find attractive areas in research, learn the skill for measuring, calculating and analyzing it, collaborate with related research group, come up with good new finding, search for good editor in journal, design next step. How possibly some body can do those things in short time and in other hand he/she should act fast because his/her contract will be over soon and it’s time to move in new laboratory.

The Dhoom 2

Indian movies used to be deep in Iranian movie culture. I remember since childhood when we were out of movie to watch we went to friends and neighborhood and we always could find a least bunch of Bollywood movies with all that typical dance and music with almost same stories. Imagine in the wintertime early night, you seat front of TV and VHS with family to watch Bollywood movie. It really reminds Iranian 80’s movie-life-style. It was big gap since childhood until now and I didn’t have a chance to watch any Bollywood stuff. Recently I saw advertising of one successful Bollywood film with Aishwarya Rai as actress (Miss World 1994). I became carious and in other hand that would be a good flash back memories to my past movie-life-time so I rented this movie. And actually this movie was real Bollywood movie with modern style and I kind of like it. The movie made me feel happy and even serious scene was funny-exited. In other hand in this movie, you can see a lot of beautiful nature, urban area, houses, quite good fashion style and a lot of cute girls with incredible bodies and moves. Of course some muscles and men style as well (except skinny Rai Bachan son of Amita Bachan famous actor of 70-80’s movies). Now the actors in these movie are making sense. I remembered in the old movies a men with no arm usually punched other man and he hurled five meter far because of that punch. But now you can actually see something that makes you to continue watching it. I think totally I liked it and I hope you to see it and have fun. Just expect fun not serious action or subject and then you will enjoy it.

The Ceramic Jug

It was holiday and I think it was one of hottest day in Shiraz. I didn’t know what should I do in such a day? I wanted to go outside and walk but there was nothing to see. I already saw most ancient and historical attractions in the city including museums and art galleries. I checked the local newspapers and it wasn’t any interesting a movie or theater in the cinema or amphitheater. I called bunch of friends and most of them were outside of city or they had quest in their house. So I decided to go and see some nature. I never was in the mountain area in the north of Shiraz before. I took a cap and 30 minutes later I was in the slope of mountain. I bought bottle of water and some cookies and started claiming up. After 20 minutes I could saw some small gardens and behind those gardens there was a charming masque -I don’t know even I don’t pray or do anything related to religion but always when I see a masque or church I feel release- I putted my steps stronger and faster to get in the shadow of the garden wall. Sun was shiny and hot and made me close to my last breath of life. In the narrow shadow of the wall, I seated for a while to get a fresh breath. I was searching my mind to what to do next that I heard a noise from other side of wall. I looked around a little bit and found a small hole in the wall. On the other side, two young boy and girl were missing around. I didn’t want to disturb them so I slowly walked away. In five minutes I was in front of the masque. It was a small building with beautiful ceramic painting in the gate. The main door was close and I was searching to find other entrance to get in. Behind the building it was smaller door, half opened. I sneaked into the back yard and there was nobody around. In the center of yard there was a cute blue basin (small pool) with colorful flowers around it. I seated near the basin and put my hand in the water and splashed some water to my face, it was feel so good. My mind was totally into the things that I was doing. Suddenly somebody behind me with angry voice told me “what are you doing here”. I scared and even a little jumped. There was an old man with long white bear and specific hat –we call them Darvish-.

I said: sorry I was freshing up a little bit, I didn’t know somebody actually live here

Man said: you didn’t think somebody actually live here, and then who putted water inside this basin. Do you think this basin is overflowed every day by rain?

I said: sorry, how can I cover it?

Man was though a little bit and said: pick that ceramic jug with green ribbon around the neck and go back there is a public washing tap next to the main road, fill this jug up and come back. As you should know I don’t want it half empty.

I picked the jug and walked back to the road, even the empty jug was so heavy how possibly I could carry it back there with water inside. I was walking fast whole way to down. I found water and filled up as he said but I couldn’t even move it a little bit “oh God what should I do now”. I started to picked up for one meter and putted back. In other hand I should be careful about the water inside the jug because by each step a little bit of water was jumped out. There was a best time for me to estimate the arrival time at least I could use some helps from being engineer. Imagine 10 meter per minute including the resting part and it was about 2 kilometer claiming and takes around three hours “oh seriously I will die after that”. So I decided to do something else. I remove half of water and started going up much faster and I was estimated if I do it this way it will be much easier to go twice. After 30 min I was in the masque and Darvish was waiting for me and before he saw the jug I told him the truth and my plan. He smiled and told me: You don’t need to do it; I just wanted you to know that we always should respect the things around us even the things that the nature gave them to us by free. We talked 2 hours and he told some stories about being Darvish and the benefit and difficulty of it. When I left him it’s was around the sunset and good time for walking back home. On my way to go back near the wall of garden I looked inside again and nobodies were there, probably those young people already had done earlier. I arrived near the main road and went to the water tap again to wash my hand and face. I saw the green ribbon, it was laying down there. Probably when I was putting water, it was untied or something. I didn’t know what should I do, should I go back there or take it to him in other time?

Written by Mohammad Hosseini

My uncle house

Summer vacation was finally come and I was so happy because the school homework and exams were finished. It was a time to go to my uncle’s summerhouse. I was only person in my family who loved to go there in and stay until the school will open. I packed up my staff and started to check them to be sure nothings were left behind, a fake golden necklace for Fatemeh (a girl), some kite glues for Hadi (my cousin, a boy), a pair of washing dishes glove for Habib (a boy) and some candy for others.
Next day I waked up early morning and took a shower and ready to go … this trip was my fourth trip to Temandar (small village in northeast of Iran near Russian border) and I couldn’t wait to see every body.
Five families lived in this small village; my uncle, Habib and Fatemeh’s family and three others. Hadi and Habib were my close friends and Fatimeh was elder sister of Habib and she was my privet friend.
My elder brother and me got in the bus and after one hour we arrived in the nearest station to the village and we walked for one more hour to get in the village. Flowers were grown up everywhere in our way and I was running all the way in the flat, vast and beautiful fields to the village.
It was near noon when we arrived to uncle’s house and we just saw Hadi’s mom and sisters. All men were working this time of day and we knew that they would come back for lunch any time soon.
Hadi was my good friend and by seeing him we hugged and we had a lot of things to talk. The summer was front of us and we had a lot of adventure to take care of. I gave him the glues that he asked me last year. He wanted it to make a kite. My uncle also came back for lunch. He was an old man and most friendly person I ever knew. He came and hugged me and told me that this summer I can have my own small land for farming … he promised me last year that if I come back next year he would do it for me and he didn’t forget it.
My small land was near the uncle’s apple garden and it was around 20 square meters. Directly the day after arrival day, I started to make my land look like a real farm. And after three hours working I almost was plowing a quarter of it. In the late evening, Hadi and I seated in the corner of the garden and looking to the road. We knew that Habib should come back from shepherding any moments. Habib finally showed up and we ran to him. All of us went to the house I wanted to give him the gloves. He needed them to make a stone shooter (a V shape wood with elastic rubber connected to each side and put the stone in the middle and pull it and shoot it). He was good to shoot with it even he could shoot a coin in 20 meters distance. Three of us talked several minutes and it was time to go to bed.
Next morning after I finished my breakfast, I went to the uncle’s house roof and from there I went to Habib’s family house roof to see Fatemeh. I promised to bring her a necklace. We had a privet-pack-fun-time between us. She usually gave me some money to buy a bottle of Pepsi. We were drinking it privately with some bread and cheese in the back yard. She told me that she mostly took the money from her father’s packet. But because she took a little amount each time, her father never found out. I was on her house roof and I saw her in the house. She was cleaning the windows and I hurled a small stone to the window and she saw me. After ten minutes we both met in the back yard and I gave her the necklace and she gave me bunch of coins. I think we could buy at least 20 bottles of Pepsi with them. She was taking and saving those coins whole winter. I went directly to buy our first Pepsi to celebrate new summer. Fatimeh was six years elder than me but I was completely comfortable with her more than any girls I knew in the city.
The summer days went fast and after a month I had the best small farm that have ever seen. I planted some tomato, red beans, paper, carrot and small branch of cherry.
One day when I was irrigating my farm, Hadi came to me to show a new trick that he just learned from his elder brother. He had a long fresh branch of plane-tree and he push a small beak side of branch inside an apple and took other side by hand. When he was whipping the branch like a fishing rod, the apple was flanged far away. We both were exited and we did it whole afternoon.
Habib always told us good stories about the shepherding. Hadi and I wanted to go with him at least once. We told my uncle hundred times but he never let us to do it. One day both of us decided to go privately. Habib usually left the house before sunrise and came back before sunset. In the summer time we were sleep on the roof and this time we brought our cloths and some paper, nylon string and glue. And in the early morning before sunrise we jumped from the roof to the street. We took the sheep in the wild area 20 kilometers north of village. We made a kite and played whole day. Habib taught us how to drink milk directly from the ewe’s nipple for breakfast and cook potato, eggs, tomato and pepper on the fire for lunch. We also swam in the river after lunch and that was really fun. On the way to go back home, Habib started to tell us some stories about the shepherds who were lost in the mountain and hunted by wolfs. Hadi was so scared and I was more scared from my uncle that we would meet in the one-hour.
Near the village, we heard people were calling our name and we found out we were in big trouble. When my uncle saw us, his face was changed from a hopeless person to angry one. He grounded us to work for him without resting whole next week. We worked whole the week so hard. I couldn’t even think about my garden anymore. Every night we went back home, we couldn’t even finish our dinner and we went directly to the bed.
Anyway, summer was finished much sooner that I expected and it was the time to go back home. For me leaving the uncle’s village was more difficult that leaving my family’s house. I had very nice time and good childhood there that I never will forget. My brother came to pick me up and in last moment the tears were in everybody’s eyes. I could keep it and start crying same as Hadi, my uncle and Habib. I looked on the roof, Fatemeh was hidden herself between some branch of tree. I moved my head slowly for her and she moved her hands for me. My brother and I were walking to the station. Everything was changed and none of the trees and farms were looked fun anymore. Probably they were crying too!
Written by Mohammad Hosseini

One Memory of Shopping

I waked up around afternoon and I couldn’t remember when and how I went to sleep? I didn’t want to remember any thing. Ah! Just by saying it, all those old memories and thoughts moved back to my mind. I tried to ignore them but it was impossible and as far as I tried harder they became stronger in my mind. I took a deep breath because helps me to become a little bit calm. I thought: Let’s see what’s really going on in my head. Directly after I was curious abut it, there was a silent in my head and didn’t seem scary at all. How could I scare sometime from that little thing like that? Until four years ago I believed “life is complicated with a lot of mystery” and I was talking and thinking and even writing about them, but time pasted fast and I found out “nothing is worth it in life and we shouldn’t be that harsh to ourselves, it is better to take it easy and forget about all mystery shits”. Then opposite thing happened whole those facts that I was telling and searching just started to show up. Most of them were scary and the problem was “I didn’t even know why”.
I left the bed and I thought, “Is better to go and wash my face” ... In the bathroom I opened the valve and directly something else came to my mind that scared me to look at the mirror. I couldn’t figure it out that how that's happen. “God! What’s wrong with me” it was morning and my day just started. I knew I shouldn’t follow the thought and slowly looked up and saw myself in mirror with puffy eyes and dark skin and nothing scary. Yesterday, I was walking in a Public Park near my apartment and I forgot to put some sun killer and whole my face turned to dark color “look like Indian”. I thought that I could be Indian for a week I didn’t mind. I even could telling people “I’m Indian and start making conversation with whole my new Indian personality, just kidding” -these days most people in international life don’t care where they born or live except those people who never left their country and believe themselves too much without seeing real life and they think they are selected to be governor for whole world- Anyway I washed my Indian face and eat fast breakfast and ready to go shopping.
I was seating in the train on my way to Mall near the window and watching outside view, which was passing faster than train. There was a man end of wagon and he was carrying a baby not carefully -I hate to see this lazy acting with kids- I was staring at them and couldn’t take off my eyes from that baby. I was afraid that man would hit baby’s head to one of the train chairs. But every thing went safely and man finally found a place to seat. I was looking back to window and staring the beautiful view of outside …
After a hour and half window-shopping, I found a acceptable hat and tried on for many times. Every thing was good with hat except the color and sides. One of seller came to me and I knew he was gonna talk to me and push me indirectly to buy something. I wasn’t in the mood enough. He came closer and said: do you like the hat?
Me: Kind of … but I prefer the one with three small silver coins in each side … I saw it in Internet but I can’t find it in your shop …
Him: We have some catalogs from whole products … can you show it to me?
Me: Sure!
And he went to bring the catalog and mean while I picked more hats and tried them on …
Him: This is the catalog and I think you mean this one
Me: Yes! That’s right … by any chance do you have it in brown.
Him: There is in brown but we don’t have it in this shop …
Me: Ok, I think I will check your second branch shop in next street.
Him: Sure! If you like I can even ask them through the phone…
Me: That would be nice … (I hate this kind of fake smiley conversation, probably behind that smile and after long hour stand up for customer he tells himself “damn stupid hat guy”)
Him: Then one-moment pleas …
I liked the hat … should I pay 250 $ for a hat or not? … I pushed myself to stop thinking about it and accepted the fact that “as long as buying it makes me feel good that will be fine”.
Him: Unfortunately they don’t have it either; there is a possibility that we can bring it here from our main shop. It takes like a week and you should pay a least 20 percent of price now. Do you like to do it?
Me: No! Thank you, I prefer to order from Internet as long as I know what size is good for me
Then he measured my size including some routine shopping conversation and I left that place as soon as I had the size.
“Oh God! Some moment in life so annoying” … We both acted for 30 minute -I don’t know “when ever I want to buy something a little expensive automatically I turn to a polite person with exaggerate English accent”- I remember one time with Mehdi Jangi in Japan I went to the store to buy a wallet. And I knew that Mehdi hate faking things. So I was myself and asked one of staff: “Can I see that wallet?” And she putted a pair of white glove look like a surgeon and carefully picked the wallet and she asked me also to put gloves as well. I said: “I want to touch it with naked hand and feel it”. Then Mehdi started laughing and the moment was broken. That girl (staff) became red and shaky. Anyway I didn’t buy anything and took the train back to home …
I opened my apartment door and all that talking bullshit and scary image came back to me … I took bottle of milk from fridge and selected one of magazine and walked to my bedroom. I looked at my bed with white sheets and asked myself: “when did I realize that I don’t like this bed anymore”. I laid down on bed and putted the bottle on the table and started to read the magazine. After a minute, the memories of past life were coming back again slowly, one by one …

Written by Mohammad Hosseini

Jalal (male-name)

جلال

اتوبوس با حرکت تندی کنار جاده می ايستد و راننده به همه پيام مي دهد که برای مدت نيم ساعت توقف دارد و مسافران می توانند نهار بخورند نماز بخوانند . از مسافرت با اتوبوس بيزار هستم تمام بدنم درد می کند مخصوصا که از ديشب تا الان هم نخوابيده ام اگر مجبور نبودم هرگز سوار اين گهواره مردگان نمی شدم . با دلخوری غذای خودم را می خورم و روی يک تخت جلوی رستوران می نشينم حسابی کفری هستم نمی دانم چرا تمام مشکلاتم بايد يکهو با هم به من رو بياورند. مشغول تماشای ماشينهای سنگين هستم که با سرعت طول جاده را طی می کنند که صدای يک پسر نوجوان مرا بخودم می آورد. پسری حدود ۱۷ ساله با موهای روغن زده و صورت تراشيده که کوله پشتی بزرگی هم روی دوشش دارد.

- ببخشيد اينجا جای کسی است

- نه بفرماييد

- اسم من جلال است ........ساندويچ می خوری اينها را مادر بزرگم درست کرده اجازه نمی دهد که از غذای رستوران بخورم ميگه مريض می شوی بيا بد نيست

- ممنون من غذا خورده ام راست ميگه غذای اين رستورانها خيلی مزخرف است منکه الان حسابی پشيمان هستم اصلا احساس خوبی ندارم

- اين مدل ريش خيلی بشما می آيد ريش متالی است نه

- آها..... نمی دانم متالی هست يا نه اما من دوست دارم البته هميشه اينجوری نمی گردم اما بعضی اوقات بدم نمی آيد

- منکه بابام نمی گذارد از اينجور ريشها بگذارم يک بار هم که اينجوری گذاشتم از خانه بيرونم کرد منم رفتم خونه داييم الان هم با مادر بزرگم داريم می رويم خاله ام را ببينيم

- خوب فکر کنم اتوبوس من می خواهد حرکت کند خيلی خوشحال شدم

- راستی اگه تهران هستی آدرس يا تلفنت را بده من ميام ديدنت

- خودکار داری ... بنويس ........ البته من دارم از اين خانه اسباب کشی می کنم نمی دانم دقيقا کی اما بايد تخليه کنم ولی هر کجا که بروم آدرس و شماره تلفن را به شرکت طبقه بالای خودم خواهم داد خوب خداحافظ..

دوباره روی صندلی خودم توی اتوبوس می نشينم اصلا حوصله صحبت کردن با کناری خودم را ندارم چشمهايم را آرام روی هم می گذارم تمام ذهنم پر از مشکلاتی است که بايد آنها را حل کنم . از اينکه مجبورم اسباب کشی کنم خيلی ناراحت هستم و بدتر از آن فکر زندگی کردن در خانه خودمان يا در خوابگاه ديوانه ام می کند ترجيح می دهم کنار خيابان زندگی کنم تا توی يکی از اين مکانها يکی از دوستهايم می گفت که رفيقش در دانشگاه آزاد درس می خواند و دنبال يک هم خانه می گردد می گفت نزديک دانشگاه آزاد واحد جنوب تهران خانه ها خيلی ارزان است بايد حتما با او تماس بگيرم اين اولين کاری است که با رسيدن به تهران بايد انجام دهم.

بلاخره با احسان همان فرد مورد نظر خانه ای نزديک اتوبان شهيد محلاتی تهران پيدا کرديم شرايط اجاره برای من خيلی خوب بود اما من پول پيش نداشتم بنابراين قرار شد که من تمام اجاره ۶ ماه خودم را بدهم به اميد اينکه بعد از ۶ ماه معجزه ای رخ دهد و زندگی من عوض شود.....

حالا کلی دوست در دانشگاه آزاد پيدا کرده بودم و هر روز يکی از آنها برای ياد گرفتن رياضی دو يا معادلات به خانه ما می آمد اوايل با هر قيمتی حاضر به تدريس بودم مخصوصا که موقعيت خانه تا دانشگاه برای اين دانشجويان حسابی خوب بود و بيشتر وقتها هم که کار خاصی نداشتم اين دانشجويان برای ورق بازی و وقت تلف کردن به خانه من می آمدند کم کم اوضاع من خيلی بهتر از روزهای عادی گذشته ام شد و تعدادی هم دانش آموز برای تدريس پيدا کردم و منتظر بودم که اين ماههای آخر تمام شود تا بتوانم جای بهتری برای زندگی پيدا کنم و از دست اين زير زمين ۷۰ متری خلاص شوم . با نزديک شدن پايان ترم اوضاع من بهتر هم شد و حسابی وقتم پر شده بود به طوری که دانشگاه خودم را پاک فراموش کرده بودم و کارم شده بود حل کردن تمرين برای بچه ها و رفتن سر بعضی کلاسها و حاضری زدن به جای آنها و نوشتن انواع homwork و تدريس های گوناگون .

يکی از بعد از ظهر های اسفند ماه بود ٫ ترم جديد دانشگاه هم شروع شده بود و من بعد از مدتی يکم می توانستم استراحت کنم مدتها بود که خانه به اين خلوتی نبود الان حتی احسان هم نيست چون او هم برای تعطيلات سال نو به شهرستان پيش خانواده اش رفته است صدای زنگ را می شنوم با بی حوصلگی بلند می شوم تا درب را باز کنم . و پشت در چيز عجيبی می بينم جلال ايستاده با يک کت سفيد رنگ و يک جعبه شيرينی به زور او را بخاطر می آورم و با چند سلام و عليک او را به داخل دعوت می کنم اصلا انتظار نداشتم دوباره او را ببينم.

- سلام خوش آمدی چه طور اينجا را پيدا کردی حتما کلی راه آمدی تا اينجا

- سلام . از شرکت طبقه بالای خانه قديميت آدرس اينجا را گرفتم اما گفت که شماره تلفن ندارين به همين خاطر قبل از آمدن هماهنگ نکردم الان هم که آمدم اصلا نمی دانستم اينجا هستی يا نه خانه ما همين نزديک است براي من خيلی جالب است که تو از خيابان جردن اسباب کشی کرده ای و آمده ای اينجا . ما هم توی خاوران می نشينيم خانه ما توی امير اتابک است تا اينجا خيلی راه نيست

ان روز با جلال کلی صحبت کرديم و حتی شام هم با هم خورديم خيلی خوشحال بودم که او آمده چون تنهای توی آن شرايط برای من خيلی سخت بود مخصوصا که تعطيلات عيد هم نزديک بود و من نمی دانستم که بايد چکار کنم چون اصلا قصد نداشتم که برگردم پيش خانواده . از آن روز به بعد جلال هر روز به ديدن من می آمد گاهی وقتها هم از دست پخت مادرش برای من می آورد . فاصله اتوبان آهنگ تا مرکز شهر آنقدر زياد بود که فکر رفتن به مرکز شهر را از سرم بيرون کرده بودم مدتها بود که ديگه حتی ميدان ولی عصر يا ميدان تجريش را هم نديده بودم انگار که توی يک شهر ديگه زندگی می کنم . شب چهار شنبه سوری را به اتفاق جلال به محله آنها رفتيم او با هيجان من را به دوستانش معرفی می کرد و جلوی همه من را آقا محمد صدا می کرد به همه گفته بود که ما از دوستهای خانواده گی هستيم و مدام تاکيد می کرد که من دانشگاه امير کبير درس می خوانم . موقع سال نو هم يک سفره هفت سين با هم درست کرديم و کلی حال کرديم برای من جالب بود که چرا خانواده اش به او گير نمی دهند که حتی موقع سال تحويل بيرون باشد چون شبهای معمولی را هم تا دير وقت پيش من می ماند و گاهی هم شب همانجا می خوابيد . يک روز ازش پرسيدم که مگه خانه نمی روی.

- نه بابا ...... با خانواده ام دعوا کرده ام بهشون گفته ام که اگر برای من موتور نخريد ديگه به خانه نمی آيم .

- مگه پدرت چکاره است

- بابام يک نمايندگی ايران خودرو توی خيابان ۱۷ شهريور دارد و يک تعميرگاه هم کنار آن داريم که برادرم آنجا کار می کند من اصلا دوست ندارم توی تعمير گاه کار کنم الان خيلی وقت هست که ديگه مدرسه هم نمی روم دوست دارم يک جور ديگه زندگی کنم نمی خواهم مثل پدرم بشوم يا مثل برادرم . برادرم الان عضو بسيج محل هم هست هميشه هم من باهاش دعوا دارم مدام اذيتم می کند ولی من دوست دارم دختر بازی کنم و هر چيز که دلم می خواهد بپوشم ... ديگه حوصله آنها را ندارم ............

با جلال خيلی صحبت کردم که به خانه برگردد و درس خواندن را ادامه دهد او هم گوی که ناچار است حرف مرا قبول کند سر تکان می داد و گفت که بعد از عيد به مدرسه بر می گردد بعد از گفتگوی طولانی ما با جلال من او را برای مدت دو سه روز نديدم همش نگران بودم شايد در گفتگو زياده روی کرده ام تا اينکه يک روز صدای زنگ در حياط آمد و هم زمان کسی با دست محکم به شيشه می کوبيد با سرعت در را باز کردم و جلال را ديدم که با يک موتور سيکلت جلوی در ايستاده خيلی خوشحال بود پدرش بلاخره راضی شده بود که برايش موتور بخرد . آن روز با موتور کلی در اطراف دور زديم و او به من گفت که کلی هم پول برای عيدی گرفته است و می توانيم هرکجا که بخواهيم برويم و من بهش قول دادم که فردا با هم برويم و تمام بالا شهر را به او نشان بدهم تمام جاهای که خوب هست .

صبح جلال دنبالم آمد خيلی سعی کردم که لباس مرتب بپوشم حساسيت اين پسر روی من هم تاثير گذاشته بود گاهی توی آينه به خودم می خنديدم که چطور مثل يک نوجوان رفتار می کنم . وقتی از خانه بيرون آمدم جلال را روی موتور ديدم قيافه خنده داری برای خودش درست کرده بود سعی کرده بود حسابی مرتب جلوه کند يک کت شوار تنش کرده بود که برايش کمی بزرگ بود و آستينهای آن را بالا زده بود و يک بلوز زير آنها از من پرسيد که چطور شده ام منم حسابی ازش تعريف کردم و دوتای تهران گردی را شروع کرديم . اول سر راه به کافه نادری رفتيم . بعد يک دور توی بازار فردوسی زديم از آنجا به کوچه برلن رفتيم و بعد پارک ساعی و پارک ملت . روبروی پارک ملت از ساندويچی اسکيپی من دو تا ساندويچ گرفتم با هم روی موتور خورديم و بعد دوباره حرکت کرديم در طول راه مدام به دخترها متلک می انداخت و با وجود مخالفتهای من به کارش ادامه می داد اوايل کلی خجالت می کشيدم اما کم کم برای من سرگرم کننده شده بود مخصوصا که گاهی عکس العملهای جالبی از دخترها می ديدم که برايم خيلی تازگی داشت . تا شب کلی جای ديگه رفتيم بازار ونک ٫ سرخه بازار ٫ کافه شوکا و چند جای ديگه کم کم شب شده بود قرار گذاشتيم که با هم يک رستوران خيلی حسابی برويم . از من بهترين رستورانی را که تا به حال رفته بودم سوال کرد و لحظه ای بعد ما جلوی رستوران قوی سفيد داخل خيابان نياوران بوديم جلوی رستوران که رسيديم توی پارکينگ رستوران موتور را پارک کرديم . جلال با ديدن حال و هوای رستوران از آمدن به داخل منصرف شد کلی باهاش صحبت کردم تا قبول کرد بياد تو مدام به در و ديوار رستوران نگاه می کرد ديگه از اون شادابی و طبع شوخ خبری نبود گوی با يک مسئله جدی در زندگی مواجه شده است خيلی آرام در جای که به ما نشان دادن نشستيم و در وسط رستوران يک نفر با شور خاصی ويولون می زد بيشتر سعی می کرد که کارهای فريد فرجاد را بزند کارش بد نبود به من که خيلی خوش می گذشت مخصوصا که ماها بود چنينی جای خوبی نيامده بودم ويولن زن از کنار ميزها حرکت ميکرد به ميز ما که رسيد ازش خواستم آهنگ سيمين بری را برای ما بزند مدتها بود که اين آهنگ را نشنيده بودم و او هم با مهارت خاصی تم آهنگ را عوض کرد و شروع کرد سيمين بری را زدن و من زير لب موسيقی را زمزمه می کردم براستی که اين آهنگ چقدر خاطره انگيز است من تو خودم بودم که جلال گفت :

- می توانم هزار تومان انعام بدم به اين ويولونيه . کم نيست نکنه بدش بياد

- نه بابا چرا بدش بياد از خداش هم هست مخصوصا که مردم هرچه پول دار تر می شوند خسيس تر هم می شوند شايد اينکار تو باعث بشه بقيه هم يک چيزی بهش بدهند

جلال بجای يک هزار تومانی دوتا در دستش می گيرد و به بعد آنها را آرم در جيب کت نوازنده می گذارد نوازنده آرام دست می کشد و بعد تشکر می کند و شروع به نواختن آهنگ جان مريم محمد نوری می کند .

از رستوران که بيرون می آيم سه تا دختر تاز دارند از ماشين پايين می آيند جلال با سرعت به طرف آنها می رود جمله اول را که می گويد من نمی شنوم اما جواب يکی از دخترها را که با صدای بلند می گويد می شنوم و بعد جلال حسابی تو خودش می رود فکر کنم آن دختر گفت : ..........چيه با کت دامادی بابات اومدی يک روزه می خواهی داماد بشی لااقل يکم صبر کن تا کته اندازت بشه ..... بعد همه با هم می زنند زير خنده جلال را يک کنار می کشم تا حرف زشتی به آنها نزند و با هم بر می گرديم .....

فردا دوباره جلال دنبال من می آيد تا من را به خانه خودشان ببرد اسرار کرد که پدرش می خواهد من را ببيند اصلا نمی دانستم با خانواده جلال چطوری برخورد کنم مخصوصا با تعريفهای که جلال از آنها کرده بود . سر راه اول در مغازه دائی جلال می رويم دايش سر امير اتابک يک مکانيکی دارد يکم با دائيش حال احوال می کنم به نظرم آدم جالبی می آيد ولی از آن آدمهای نيست که من بتوانم در مورد موضوع خاصی سر صحبت را باز کنم . خانه جلال کمی پايين تر است پياده به سمت خانه آنها راه می افتيم و من توی دلم يکم دلهره دارم .....

با اسرار پدر جلال بالای خانه می نشينم بابای جلال مدام از پسرش صحبت می کند و اينکه اصلا گوش به حرف آنها نمی دهد و بعد در مورد کار خودش صحبت می کند به نظر من که پدر جلال آدم خوبی هست از صحبهايش فهميدم که جلال را از بقيه بچه هاش هم بيشتر دوست دارد و تنها بچه ای است که هر کار دلش می خواهد می کند اما يکبار هم کتکت نخورده است . خلاصه کلی هم از کار من از درس من از کار بابام و اينجور حرفها می پرسد وقت ناهار هم فقط من و جلال و باباش سر سفره هستيم . بعد ناهار بابای جلال می رود که نماز بخواند و من او در پذيرای تنها می شويم جلال با سرعت از توی کمد کنار ديوار يک بسته شکلات يک کيلوی در می آورد و به من می گويد بيا اين را بگير زير پيراهنت قايم کن ببريم بيرون بخوريم اما من که اين صحنه را می بينم قبول نمی کنم و او با سماجت تمام آن را زير بلوز من می کند و در همين راستا مادر جلال با يک سينی چای وارد می شود دو تای حالت عادی به خودمان می گيريم ولی پلاستيک شکلات زير لباسم حسابی تمرکز من را بهم ريخته و گيجم کرده تمام حواسم پيش اوست که مبادا از زير لباس در بياد بعد از خوردن چای اجازه رفتن می گيرم پدر و مادر جلال تا دم در به بدرقه من می آيند وقتی من دولا می شوم تا بند کفشهايم را ببندم صدای خش خش پلاستيک بلند می شود رنگم می پرد نمی دانم آنها با خودشان چی فکر می کنم مخصوصا که هنگام دولا شدن لباسم شبيه يک تاب حرکت ميکند خلاصه با کلی غرق ريختن از خانه بيرون می آيم بيرون خانه به جلال اسرار می کنم که وقتی برگشت خانه حتما قضيه شکلاتها را به آنها بگويد و بعد از چند لحظه ديگه همه چيز را فراموش می کنم . از آنجا بلافاصله به خانه پدر بزرگ جلال می رويم البته اين دفعه پيشنهاد من بود چون جلال می گفت که پدر بزرگش فالگير است و کتاب هم باز می کند و دعا هم می نويسد خلاصه به سمت ميدان خراسان حرکت می کنيم خانه پدر بزرگ جلال توی يکی از کوچه های قديمی نزديک ميدان خراسان است از موتور پياده می شويم و وارد خانه می گرديم يک خانه قديمی و جالب نمی دانم خانه های قديمی چرا برای من حال و هوای خوبی دارند ياد آور خاطراتی که ممکن است هيچگاه وجود نداشته باشد درست مثل اينکه من سالهاست در اين خانه ها زندگی کرده ام . جلوی پدر بزرگ جلال می نشينم او دست مرا می گيرد و نگاه می کند بعد پيشانی من را نگاه می کند خلاصه چند تا تاس فلزی می اندازد و يک کتاب را باز می کند و می خواند .

.... تو عمر طولانی خواهی داشت به تمام آرزوهای خود خواهی رسيد اما هيچ وقت نخواهی فهميد که اززندگی چه چيز می خواهی از نظر اجتماعی آرامش زيادی داری اما از نظر درونی اصلا انسان آرامی نيستی سعی کن در زندگی زياد اشتباه نکنی زيرا دچار عذاب وجدان زيادی خواهی شد تنها راه خوب زندگی کردن برای تو محبت به ديگران است و .........

از آنجا بيرون می آيم جلال می خواهد نظر خودم را درباره پدر بزرگش به او بگويم و من هم جملاتی را که او دوست دارد بشنود را بيان ولی در کل من هم از پدر بزرگش خوشم آمد . به اسرار جلال به پاساژ گلستان در شهرک غرب می رويم او دوست دارد لباسهای آنجا را ببيند همه مغازه های پاساژ را زير و رو می کنيم من چند تا دوست توی پاساژ دارم در مغازه آنها هم می رويم و جلال چند تا لباس پروب می کند از آنجا به پاساژ ونک و سرخه بازار می رويم خلاصه تمامی نمايندگيهای clarcks , nike , white hourse و ... را زير رو می کنيم و شب خسته به خانه بر می گرديم .

چند روزی بود که جلال به من سر نزده بود تعطيلات عيد داشت تمام می شد دو روز ديگر سيزده بدر بود و من هيچ برنامه ای نداشتم . طرفهای ۵ بعد از ظهر بود که دوباره زنگ زدن و تا در را باز کردم طبق معمول جلال من را قافل گير کرد . او حسابی به خودش رسيده بود کفش دکتر مارتين خريده بود چند روز پيش با هم ديده بوديم و شلوار مخمل Horn گرفته بود و يک تی شرت Versace و پيراهن Bvlgari من حسابی شوکه شده بودم هر چيزی را که آن روز تست کرده بوديم و من گفته بودم که عاشق آنها هستم خريده بود با تعجب از او پرسيدم که اينهمه پول از کجا آوردی ؟

- موتورم را فروختم . برای اينکه خوب بخرند کلی زير قيمت دادم . اينها با حال است نه تازه چند تا چيز ديگه هم گرفتم توی ساک است

- بابات می داند يا نه

- نه اما موتور مال خودم بود ديگه ازش خسته شده بودم . ميای بريم بيرون

با جلال جلوی يک تاکسی تلفنی می رويم و بعد با تاکسی به سمت بولينگ ابدو توی خيابان شريعتی حرکت می کنيم کاملا خودمان را با بازيهای کامپيوتری سر گرم می کنيم بعد يک تئاتر می رويم و کمی هم اسکيت می کنيم . کلی خوش می گذرد از آنجا به رستوران شاطر عباس سر چهار راه پارک وی می رويم و بعد به لابی هتل اوين می رويم و تا دير وقت آنجا می نشينيم خلاصه روز پور هيجانی را پشت سر گذاشتيم شب هنگام بر گشت جلال به من می گويد روز سيزده بدر می آيم دنبالت با هم برويم داراباد ما پارسال با خانواده رفته بوديم خيلی خوش گذشت اما اگه الان با هم تنها برويم بيشتر خوش می گذرد .

بعد از تعطيلات عيد من کمتر جلال را می ديدم تا اينکه بلاخره من از آن محل رفتم و يک جا نزديک ميدان انقلاب گرفتم جای بسيار بدی بود اما چاره ای نبود چون بايد نزديک دانشگاه می گرفتم . گاه گاهی بعد از آن جريان جلال به ديدنم می آمد بعضی اوقات هم توی کافه نادری قرار می گذاشتيم آخرين باری که او را ديدم گفت که عاشق يکی از دخترهای فاميل شده و کلی از آن دختر برای من تعريف کرد و اينکه تصميم گرفته برود سربازی و بعد از برگشتن يک مغازه توی بالا شهر اجاره کند و کار کند شايد هم توی بازار فردوسی يک جا را اجاره کند ......

مدتها گذشت اوضاع من ديگر کاملا تغيير کرده بود من ليسانسم را گرفته بودم و حالا دانشجوی فوق بودم در شيراز . يکی از روزهای تابستان که در تهران داشتم وسايلم را مرتب می کردم يک شماره تلفن پيدا کردم روی آن اسم جلال نوشته شده بود با خوشحالی به سمت تلفن رفتم از آن موضوع ۵ سالی می گذشت نمی دانم چه چيز باعث شده بود که طی اين همه سال من ديگر جلال را نبينم اما الان فرصت خوبی بود که با او تماس بگيرم خيلی دوست داشتم او را ببينم آخرين باری که به خانه آنها زنگ زده بودم مادرش گفت رفته پادگان . گوشی را بر می دارم صدای از پشت تلفن می آيد شبيه به صدای مادرش است ازش می پرسم که جلال خانه است می گويد نه رفته سر کار شماره محل کارش را می گيرم ولی آنجا هم نبود به همکارش می گويم که بگويد من محمد هستم و اگه می تواند فردا ساعت ۳ بعد از ظهر بيايد کافه نادری ....

ساعت حدود ۳:۱۰ است که به کافه می رسم سراسيمه وارد می شوم در بين آدمها دنبال جلال می گردم توی نگاه اول او را پيدا نمی کنم که ناگهان با صدای او جايش را می يابم به سمتش حرکت می کنم جلال حالا ديگه اصلا شبيه بچه های سرزنده و شلوغ نيست ريش سبيل بلندی گذاشته و حسابی هم لاغر شده لبهای تيره ای دارد و تند تند به سيگارش پک می زند وقتی می نشينم به من سيگار تعارف می کند اما وقتی می شنود که من ۲ سال است که ديگر سيگار نمی کشم تعجب می کند خلاصه روبروی هم نشسته ايم اما هيچی برای گفتن ندارم خيلی تلاش می کنم که از اين حالت سکوت بيرون بياييم ولی اصلا چيزی به نظرم نمی آيم با حالت نيم خنده شروع به ياد آوری خاطرات گذشته می کنم اما گوی با کسی صحبت می کنم هيچ وقت تا به حال نديده ام او هم با حالت بی تفاوتی تاييد ميکند و بعد خودش ادامه می دهد که بعد از سربازی با همان دختر فاميلشان ازدواج کرده و يک مغازه گرفته اما کلی ضرر داده و پدرش مجبورش کرده که توی تعميرگاه آنها کار کند الان هم زندگيش بد نيست . ولی نوع سيگار کشيدن و بی حالی چشمهايش در من احساس ديگری را زنده می کند خلاصه اين جلسه خمار آلود تمام می شود و از کافه بيرون می آييم بر خلاف گذشته ها که جلال هميشه برای حساب کردن ميز عجله و شتاب داشت اين دفعه حتی يک تعارف هم نکرد موقع خدا حافظی به من گفت:

- راستی الان اوضاع اقتصاديت خوب شده

- بد نيست الان که چند جا هم کار می کنم و با وجود اينکه الان توی شيراز هستم و هزينه زندگی پايين تر است تقريبا هيچ مشکل خاصی ندارم

- من الان چند روزی است که يک چک برگشتی دارم اصلا حال خوبی ندارم پدرم هم ديگه به من پول نمی دهد کار من هم اين شده صبح تا شب می روم در مکانيکی چرت می زنم ولی اين چک خيلی اذيت می کند

من کمی اين پا آن پا می کنم و با حالت دو دلی می گويم :

- الان خيلی پول همراهم ندارم ولی ...

- نه خيلی نمی خواهم چون خودم يکم پول دارم فقط ۵۰ تومان آن کم است تازه بی خيال

دست توی کيفم می کنم يک چک ۲۵ تومانی است. چک را به او نشان می دهم می گويم :

- ببخشيد من الان بيشتر از اين همراهم نيست ولی شماره خودم را می دهم اگر باز هم نتوانستی تهيه کنی با من تماس بگير من برای تو جور می کنم

چک و شماره تلفن را از من می گيرد و با سردی خداحافظی می کند از چهارراه استانبول به سمت خيابان منوچهری حرکت می کنم هوای تهران حسابی کثيف است مخصوصا توی بعد از ظهر ها کثيفی خودش را بيشتر نشان می دهد . توی منو چهری دوباره خودم با ديدن اشياء عتيقه سر گرم می کنم چقدر توی اين خيابان چيزهای سرگرم کننده پيدا می شود ..........

The last day of April in Lund

It is interesting when you compare two almost same ceremonies in two different countries.

Imoni party is a famous event in middle of October for most Japanese and foreigner student in Japan. The basic purpose of this even is to go out-door mostly near the river and have some food and drink and usually is involved with all laboratories member in university. Then every body starts drinking and eating and chatting for all afternoon and after that move back to their home.

In Sweden same event is organized with student in the last day of April in Public Park. And you can see big group of young people gathering together and start drinking and dancing with different music and groups from different clubs. For me dancing is most important part of having fun and that could be in club or any indoor and outdoor parties.