The Lights of Respect

بیگانه بودن به یک محیط و فرهنگ خاص زندگی را از این چیزی که هست پیچیده تر می کند خیلی وقتها مسائل ساده ای که در سرزمین بومی خودمان بسیار عادی و معمولی جلوه می کرد در یک فضای دیگر با مردم جدید بسیار غیر طبیعی و غیر قابل تحمل جلوه می کند. نمی دانم وقتی ما قدم به یک محیط نا آشنا می گذاریم آیا انتظاراتمان بالا می رود یا اینکه حساستر می شویم . اینکه کسی به نوعی بخواهد هویت فردی و شخصیت اجتماعی افراد را ندیده بگیرد آزار دهنده است. ولی خوب زندگی واقعی تشکیل شده از یکسری آدمها با خصوصیات متفاوت و کلی قوانین اجتماعی عجیب و غریب که بخواهی یا نخواهی گاهی وقتها تو در مقابل آن قوانین به عنوان یک محکوم قرار می گیری و برای اینکه دامنه این محکومیت را به کمترین میزان خود برسانی تمام تلاشت را می کنی که پا را از حد قوانین فراتر نگذاری اما خوب خود همین باعث می شود بعد از یک مدت چیزی دیگر از شخصیت واقعی تو باقی نمی ماند و تو در همین روزمرگی قانونمند خود خلاصه خواهی شد درست مثل بیشتر مردم در جوامع مدرن. نمی دانم تا چه حد اینگونه در یک مدار خاص زندگی کردن به جوامع کمک می کند اما همین قدر می دانم که هر چه زندگی اجتماعی امنیت بیشتری پیدا می کند به همان اندازه مسیر حرکت انسانها باریکتر می گردد. خیلی وقتها آدم به جای می رسد که دوست دارد مانند یک موجود سرکش طغیان کند و تمام این چهارچوبها را کناری بگذارد و در یک فضای بزرگ و بی انتها بدور از تمامی قوانین دست و پا گیر اجتماعی به پایکوبی غریزی خود برسد. اما خوب در دنیای واقعی همین دویدنهای سرکشانه گاهی وقتها باعث می شود گروهی نحیفتر زیر دست و پا لگدمال شوند. مثال بارز آن اینکه در زندگی امروز ما حتی حق داد زدن هم نداریم و یک جور زندانی تمدن نو هستیم تمدنی که به تو امکان می دهد در چهارچوبهای روزانه اش قدم برداری و از امکانات موجود که بوسیله جمع تهیه می شود استفاده کنی و همزمان افساری از کنترل بر گردن تو قرار می دهد تا به همان میزان به دیگران سود برسانی و امنیت را برای آنها برقرار کنی.

پاهایم می لرزند ... همیشه از بلندیهای نامعلوم حقیت می ترسیدم ... دست در گریبان امروزی خود می کنم و تنها چند دانه کبریت کوچک از تمام آن نور حقیقتی که با خود داشتم برایم باقی مانده است ... اینجا ظلمات است و باد تند و سردی می وزد ... چگونه می شود در لبه پرتگاه هویت فردی و بدون پناه با آن دو سه دانه کبریت نحیف راهم را پیدا کنم ... به غریزه نگاه می کنم که اکنون زیر انبوهی از زخمهای قوانین اجتماعی آخرین نفسهای خودش را می کشد ... هیچ راهبری باقی نمانده جز اصول غیر طبیعی و خود ساخته بشری برای ادامه زندگیه بیفکرانه اجتماعی ... می دانم هر قدمی با دانشهای آموخته ام بر دارم دراستای تاریکتر شدن و به عمق سیاهی رفتن است ... با تمام امید اولین کبریت حقیقت را در پناگاه دستهای باورم روشن می کنم ... نگاه نوزادی تازه به دنیا امده ای را در آن روشنائیه ضعیف می بینم که به دنیای بیرون به عنوان یک معمای زیبایه حل نشده می نگرد و دستش را به سمت صورت من دراز می کند تا همزاد پنداری را با نوک انگشتان نورسش کشف نماید... کبریت با یک زوزه تند و سرد باد قانونمندهای نابخردانه خاموش می شود ... چشم جامعه بینم را می بندم و سعی می کنم تصمیمهای برنامه ریزی نشده کودکی را بیاد بیاورم ... یک تصویر کم رنگ از لحظه با خود بودنها در ذهنم ظاهر می شود ... غریزه زخمی حالا تکانی به خود می دهد و با تمام نیروی حقیقتش که در او باقی مانده است قدمی به سمت ناشناخته های گم شده در تربیت اخلاقی بر می دارد و با این قدم به سمت پرتگاه تاریکی که جامعه رهنمون کرده است نزدیکتر می شود ... من هم به دنبال غریزه زخمی قدمی به جلو بر می دارم ... برخلاف اصولی که بر جای جای بدن پاره پاره انسانی حک شده است تاریکی مطلق جای خود را به نور ضعیف خلوص می دهد ... باد سرکش پایبندی های اجتماعی کمی ملایم تر می شود و جبر ساختگی کمی خود را پنهان می کند ... تازه به یاد می اورم که چقدر چشم بصیرت ما با ترسهای و چهارچوبهای روزمره و ناپیدای مدرنیته نابینا شده است ... غریزه جان بیشتری می گیرد و قدم دومش را برای کشف ماهیت ظلمات در تاریکترین نقطه مبهم بودن می گذارد ... ترس از منتها الیه وجودی من نعره خوفناکی می کشد و آخرین چنگهای تیغ الودش را بر بدن رنجورغریزه وارد می کند تا شاید او را از حرکت باز ایستاند ... ناله ای جانکاه بلند می شود و تمام بدنم را لرزی از شک فرا می گیرد ... تلاش می کنم تا بیشتر متمرکز شوم و بتوانم قدمهایم در تاریکیهای ناخودبینی ایمان بیاورم ... قدم بعدی را به سمت بازگشت ممنوع شده بر می دارم ... حجم بزرگی از بایدهای دروغین در کنار من جابجا می شود ... گوی درمیان جمع بزرگی از کورهای اجتماعی هستم که همه آنها به سمت بی هویت شدن می روند ... من ایستاده ام چون سدی کوچک در میان موجی خروشان ... ضعیف اما واقعی ... همه آنها با دست و پاهای قوی اخلاقی و چشمهای نابینای حقیقت تکانی می خورند و با فشار بیشتری من را به سمت بی تفکری حل می دهند ... اما شلعه کوچک درون بینیم به من می گوید که باید قدم بعدی را ژرفتر بگذارم و در زیر آن همه اصول باید ها و نبایدها مقاومت کنم ... اه خدای من با این قدم گوشه ای از چشم واقع بین بشرییم باز می شود ... حالا انبوه مردم بخواب رفته در حال حرکت را بهتر می بینم ... آنها مسمم به سمتی نامعلوم در حرکتند همه چیزدر نگاه تازه واقعیتم رنگ جدیدی می گیرد و باد سرد بی تفاوتیها کاملا آرامتر می شود ... دیدن آن هم افراد یک شکل با چشمانی بسته در مسیر پرتگاه باید بودنها اصلا خوشایند نیست ... کودکی نگاه من را می گیرد و لبخندی می زد او تنها کسی است در آن جمع گمشده هنوز رنگها را باور دارد ... چیزی عجیبی در درونم حس می کنم ... نیرونا آشنائی مرا به سمتی می کشد ... توان کافی برای مقابله با ان را ندارم زیرا او ریشه در قوانین هزار ساله بشری دارد ... این جبرساختگی من را به خارج از جمع محصور شده هدایت می کند ... جای که سکوهای تنهای , آگاهی و نیستی قرار دارند ... نمی دانم این قدرت کهنه اندوهناک برای من چه سرنوشتی می خواهد ... اما خوشحالم که دیگر ترس مسخ شدن در تاریکی و سرمای انزوای اجتماعی را ندارم ... به جیبهای سنگینم نگاهی دوباره می اندازم که اکنون پر از نور حقیقت و رهایی شده اند و جملات زیر را با خود زمزمه می کنم ...
آیا ما آفریده شده ایم تا به دیگران معنی زندگی بدهیم و از دیگران معنی زندگی بگیریم؟ ... جمع دیگران را دوست داریم که هویت هر روز ما را نمایانگر باشد و کم کم به کامل تر شدن دروغین ما کمک کند و بعد با هویت کاذب عمیقتر و به همان میزان مسئولیتها نا لازم بیشتر به کسب رضایت ساختگیمان برسیم ... هیچ نمی دانیم که در پایان راه ... ما می مانیم با پرونده ای از مردم پروری و چند نشان فلزی براق که نشان دهنده تلاش بی وقفه ما برای جامعه سرد ساختگی است ... اگربه درون نگاه کنیم می بینیم که از خودمان هیچ چیز باقی نمانده و ما در یکی از روزهای شلوغ جامعه در گوشه ای ناپیدا گم شده بودیم و حتی خبر هم نداشتیم ... یک واقعیت مسلم این است که ما باید حقایق اطرافمان را بپذیریم و بدانیم که اگر دری از واقعیت بر روی ما بسته است درهای دیگری باز هستند که از آنها می شود به انتهای قانونمند نفس بشری رسید ... اگر نمی توانیم در نیمه شب خاموش , میان خانه محصور , بلند فریاد بکشیم اما می توانیم فریاد را بر بوم سفید , در زیر نور آرام چراق , بدور از چشم جامعه شکایت کننده , نقاشی کنیم

Steamy window

I get my tea cup closer to my face and feel good. I usually like to drink hot tea when I arrive home from university in a cold afternoon. I look outside window, people seems are freezing in a bus station front of my building and most of them are hiding themselves behind a concrete platform of station. I like the flowing of small frozen ices in the air and watch their dancing through the turbulent flow of wind. After five minutes room becomes warm enough for taking off my cloth and window is starting steam up. It is a time to paint or write something on it. It is interesting that every time I want to write something nice to improve my handwriting, I end up with this sentence:

“به جهان خرم از آنم که جهان خرم از اوست عاشقم بر همه عالم که همه عالم از اوست”

This means, “I’m cheerful of world because the world has its pleasant from him (God), I’m in love with whole life because whole life belongs to him”. I remember in seventh grade, my language teacher showed us many methods for Persian calligraphy and for making an example he wrote same sentences in different ways. At that time I was so exited to see those writing and since then every time I try to practice my writing I do same. Now I have my own hand-writing, which is not perfect, but it is good enough to amaze some people. Apparently too much steam on the window makes my writing cry to dead from its edges. I take back the tea cup to kitchen and open fridge. Only thing I feel to eat is a sweet nectarine that I bough from market yesterday. I don’t like fruit in ICA (Chain Market in Sweden) most of them are unripe without any test. I come back to window, most people in the bus station are gone as well as my writing on the glass and the nectarine in my hand. It is a time for preparing a meal, there is nothing in my mind to cook and more important nothing left in my fridge either. I can’t see myself as person who goes shopping in this weather so I decide to not think about it and make myself busy with reading and I’m not that hungry after all. I pick a book from Rumi, Masnavi-Manavi. Since I was young I always wanted to read this book because every body were talking about it and still doing it. And most elder people that I know in my life, when they want to say something smart, making wisdom point or being aware of life facts, they refer to one of Rumi’s short stories. So you can see how much that helps me if I actually know those stories and then I can make my own point too. I almost read ten stories until now and most of them are so old believes or knowledge that not relate to modern life and some of them are so general talk which that can be true or not. But it is too soon to judge it, I should finish whole book and then I can come up with better opinion. After reading three more short stories my stomach start complaining about food seriously and it is impossible to ignore it anymore. I go to check the fridge one more time. I think I can do something with present materials in it. I mix an egg, planed potato, salt, oil and black pepper and cook them on hot plate. Test is acceptable and food has high calorie to take care of me whole night. After dinner I come back with second tea cup front of window. Two guys are talking in the bus station and one of them seems is shaking in clod wind. They go behind the platform and start smoking. I don’t know how turning on small cigarette makes you feel warm but apparently it dose because I saw many people that they were doing it when they feel cold. Or you can say, there is something else involves mentally which I don’t know about it. Imagine that if I go there and surprise them with two cups of hot tea, it is stupid thought but it will be funny and who know how they will be react. I’m sure they will not accept it. One thing all of us learned from living in 20^th century that we should not trust stranger easily. These days are quite different from a time and a place that I grew up. When I was kid, the only thing I knew from being grandfather or grandmother in neighborhood, is to have a packet full of candies for kids. Every time Uncle Akbar or Aunt Zohre cross the street, most kids were running to them for getting candies and they were uncle and aunt of everybody. Now you can’t see those people anymore, most of them are prisoner of modern society and even they show up in street, most children are forbidden to accept anything from them or even get close to them. I don’t know what is a problem, either the people are not same people or we can not truth each other anymore. Finally bus comes and that two guys are getting inside. It is time to go to bed, I pick up my book again and I hope that I can read at least two more stories before sleep. I turn off the lamps and turn on an abajour next to bed. Reading in warm bed under soft yellow light is always pleasure. ……

written by Mohammad Hosseini

Separation

یکی از دوستان می گفت زندگی مشترک خیلی سخته ولی سختر از آن تنهایی هست. نمی دانم تا چه حد با جلمه آن موافقم اما چیزی که مسلم هست زندگی مشترک زمانی معنی پیدا می کند که ما به دیگران نیاز داریم و این نیاز به دیگران در کودکی و زمان پیری به حد خودش می رسد یعنی خلاصه زندگی مشترک به معنی اماده ساختن بستری برای رشد کودکان و محل آسایشی برای دوران بازنشستگی. اما خوی آدمها متفاوت هستند و نیازهای انها هم متفاوت خیلی از انسانها برای همیشه کودک باقی می مانند و خیلی ها هم زود پیر می شوند که نیاز مشترک زندگی کردن در آنها به مراتب بالاتر از بقیه هست و می بینید که حتی یک روز هم زندگی دور از خانواده برای آنها بسیار سخت و طاقت فرساست.
در تجربه ای که در این سالها داشته ام گاهی وقتها گمان می کنم که به حضور دیگران در زندگی بسیار نیازمندم اما وقتی خوب دقت می کنم کلیه آن لحظات زمانی بوده است که من با کسی بصورت مشترک برای مدت کمی طولانی زندگی کرده ام و وقتی جدا می شویم درست بعد از جدا شدن این احساس به اوج خود می رسد اما بعد با گذشت زمان دوباره کمرنگ تر می گردد تا اینکه به جای می رسد که کاملا بی معنی است و حتی خنده دار هم به نظر می آید پس نتیجه دیگری که می گیریم ترس از دست دادن قویتر از هویت آن چیز از دست دادنی است پس بیایید با تقویت عدم ترس به زندگی فردی و مشترکمان معنی بهتری بدهیم بیایید ترس از دست دادن نداشته باشیم تا بتوانیم هم راحت در رابطه مشترک و هم راحت در زندگی فردی خود با مسایل روبرو شویم .
قسمت زیر را می توانید در اینجا بشنوید
در زیر نور کمرنگ مهتاب که از گوشه پنجره بر نیم رخ آرام او تابیده است نگاه می کنم ترس دوشت داشتن او تمام وجودم را دربر می گیرد دیگر طاقت از دست دادن کسی را ندارم شاید مرد دیروز از طبیعتش بیشر پیروی می کرد تا احساس در هم بافته امروز من. آرام رویش را به سمت من می کند و لبخندی از روی سادگی و صداقت تحویلم می دهد جریان سردی از تمام بدن با سرعت عبور می کند و دوباره داستانهای جدایی در ذهنم تکرار می شوند. آیا باید دریچه های قلبم را برای آن صورت معصوم باز کنم حتی با گفتش هم باعث می شود که بی اعتمادی دوباره در غالب ترس پشتم را بلرزاند. با تمام وجود دوست دارم لباسها را از تن کنده و در آب زلال دیگر خواهی شنا کنم اما تجربه چیز دیگری می گوید. با دست موهای روی پیشانیش را کناری می زنم با گوشه چشم لبخند به من می زند و در ذهن من طلاتمها شدید تر می شوند نمی دانم از کجا و چگونه درهای قلبم بسته شدند اما می دانم طاقت بریدن را ندارم بریدنی که به قیمت اصول اجتماعی نصیحتهای خانوادگی و نگاه های قضاوت کننده انسانی است. تلاطم درونیم بیشتر و بیشتر می شود و موجی دیگر از درون بدنم به بیرن ساطه می گردد چیزی در این میان گم شده است من در تردید هستم و گویا مدتهاست که در این تردید زندانی شده ام آرام سرم را به پیشانیش نزدیک می کنم جریانهای فکری و احساسی مدام با هم سر جنگ دارند و قدرت تصمیم گرفتن را از من ربوده اند چقدر بی اعتمادی سخت است و چقدر مردمی در خواسته هایشان گم شده اند به آن دامن می زنند. به دنبال زیاد خواهی نیستم ولی در رابطه ها به خاطر مشترک بودنشان ترس اشتباه کردن را دارم که همیشه گوشزد کننده هر لحظه من است. دوباره نگاهش می کنم چطور می تواند موجودی به این معصومی دنیا را از دید اجتماع ببیند. هنوز کاملا یادم هست که آخرین غرق شدن من به دست یکی از همین معصوم رویان بود. صورتم را به سمت پنجره کج می کنم و ماه نیمه را در منتها الیه آسمان می بینم و تصمیمم را می گیرم به او بر می گردم و می گویم: فردا صبح باید زود بیدار شوم و باید مدارکی را سر کار ببرم فکر کنم بهتر است زودتر به خانه برگردم ولی بعدا با تو تماس خواهم گرفت. چشمهای براقش شروع به لرزیدن می کند و آرام سرش را در زیر پتو پنهان می کند و می گوید: باشه برو. آری نتوانستم چشم اعتمادم را بر آن همه معصومیت باز کنم و برای زخم نخوردن زخم دیگری بر خودم زدم.

Seeding of Facts

Today I don’t feel write whole story base on facts so I decide to write whole facts without story as follow:

• It is always better to not saying it and doing it
• No body believe you base on your talk but every body believe you base on your act
• There will be always challenging between what we have and what we want, and only solution for keeping them close together is to know yourself better
• Some time I go back to my old needs and find new reason for try harder
• It is part of us to be confuse in the mystery life with no clear future unless every thing will loose its meaning
• Moments of happiness are most natural moments of creation.
• Knowledge and wisdom has same distance as to be and not to be.
• If you try harder against the nature you will be stock more, take it easy, follow the flow of life, be a part of nature and swim with others not against them.
• Time is playing with me every day new games.
• Some time I can see myself inside out and it feels scary and sometimes outside in and feels release.
• I still believe the earth is a center of universe.
• Sometimes is good to do stupid thing even if you are a smart person.
• Every time your heart start beating fast that means something is missing in you.
• If human could flight like a bird or swim like a fish, their life become much more complicated than it is and even more impossible to live based on their present sensation.
• Two steps forward and one step backward, this is how life is working.
• Every day get its meaning form other days as well as people, moment, fact, etc.
• There is no pure beauty or pure ugliness, every thing is combination of good and bad.
• Some time in real life, it happens that we are living in edge of life, in the condition with no way to go forward or even backward
• Any human being has many needs to care of and just spending most of our time for few of them, makes us non-grown person to other needs.
• Depend how deep we want to get in our realistic life, we choose our steps and after our life time, we came up with long trace behind us. This trace will be part of who we are, and even you want it or not, believe it or not, happy about it or not and disappoint about it or not, that will be exact you.

Written by Mohammad Hosseini

Humming

روزبروز روزها با سرعت زیادی توی سوئد کوتاه می شوند و این اولین تجربه زمستان من در اینجا خواهد بود. امروز برادرم بهم گفت که ماه رمضان شروع شده نمی دانم قانون اسلام برای آنهای که شمال سوئد زندگی می کنند چی هست برای نماز خواندن و روزه گرفتن چون فاصله طلوع آفتاب تا غروب آن در بعضی نقاط شمالی تر کمتر از یک ساعت هست.
داشتن شبهای طولانی یک حسن بزرگ دارد آنهم این است که آدم وقت بیشتری برای گذراندن با خودش پیدا می کند و خیلی از کارهای را که مدتها دلش می خواست انجام بدهد را شروع به انجامشان می کند. یک نمونه آن همین نوشتن مطالب عقب مانده و خواندن کتابهای که گوشه کمد برای مدت زیادی خاک می خوردند.

گاهی وقتها یاد گذشته های تلخ در دل من دلهره می آورد و به من گوشزد می کند که زندگی همیشه زیبا نیست اما نمی دانم این دوباره بخاطر آوردن من را قویتر می کند یا حساس تر چیزی که می دانم این است که لحظه من را کاملا خراب می کند .....
تنهای زیباست مثل تمام زیبائیهای دیگر اما برای هر چیزی حدی وجود دارد و این حد در آدمهای گوناگون متفاوت است .....
بدون اینکه بخواهم دوباره به یادم آمد -لبخندهایش -بازی کردنهایش -رازگفتنهایش -دوست داشتنهایش اما در آخر یادم با -دروغهایش -دل شکستنهایش -وبی خبر رفتنهایش خاموش شد مانند لبخندم با بغض ......
همه در کودکی یک لحظه امن و آسایش دارند که می توانند با فکر کردن به آن احساس خوبی داشته اند اما برای بعضی ها برعکس به یاد اوردن خاطرات کودکی جز ترس و دلهره چیز دیگری نیست .... بیاید آینده را از دسته دوم پر نکنیم ......
تلاش برای بدست آوردن آرامش نا آرامی می اورد بیایید از دست و پا زدن دست بردارید زیرا تا زمانی که آرامش هدف شماست دست نیافتنی تر می شود ... خود را رها کنید و و از لحظه با هر حالتی که هست لذت ببرید ......
بوی بی رحمی می آید با محبت همیشه نمی توان عطرفشانی کرد .....
مردم تو را ضعیف می خواهند تا ضعف خود را پنهان کنند و احساس قدرت بیشتری داشته باشند چه خوب است قدرتها را زنده نگاه داریم حتی اگر در غالب خشم است اما از آن صالحانه بهره گیری کنیم ......
مرز بین خوب بودن و حماقت مرز بسیار ظریفی است .....
متن زیر را اینجا بشنوید
خانه آرام است ... در بیرون صدای نیست ... ذهنم تهی از کلمه ... خاطرات مانند نسیم ملایم می وزند ... چای روی میز آخرین بخارهایش را به آسمان می فرستد ... کلمات آرام آرام در ذهنم می خشکند ... چراغ همسایه خاموش است ... کودکان کوچه همه بخواب رفته اند ... امشب مهتابی در آسمان نیست ... غبار تمام خانه را پوشانده است ... رنگها زیر نور کم چراغ بی هویت شده اند ... زمان فریاد کشیدن نیست ... تا سحر خیلی وقت مانده است ... تپش قلبم را می شنوم ... چیزی در این میان گم شده است ... من که اینجا هستم ... پس چرا کسی نمی داند ... نفسهای عمیق ... و سکوت پایان راه است ...
اگر دوباره خانواده را دیدی این بار محکمتر در آغوششان بگیر چون آنها نیمی از معنی زندگی هستند

The killer aunts

Our little brown aunt was born in corner of desert early spring. He was happy kid who played with others in queen’s room whole day long until the time came that they should go to educate for their future responsibilities. Since he started school out side of queen house. He found out his huge different with others because all other aunts were yellow and in same shape except him. -In the killer aunts family, they eat whole other alive creatures and as soon as they find out somebody is stranger, attack him and make a meal of it-. Other aunts also slowly found out about his difference and start attacking him sometime but most the times the mature aunts intervened between them like a mediator and told other aunts about their miss understanding. This kind of reaction started scaring the little aunt and after while he found out that it is better to not be always on the other aunts way. The little aunt grew fast like others and our entire little aunts were getting in touch with their puberty time. All of them started feeling different, some kind of new instincts such as feel for fighting, searching for food, attacking other creatures, being behind back of each others, working together, etc. but they didn’t have enough experience to always control their instinct, and sometimes ended up fighting each other in different groups. Only one thing was clear, nobody ever was in our brown aunt side, most the times he was attacked with others. After while challenging, his different from others was more clear. He slowly felt to be scared, to be alone, to be unprotected and to be in the corner of aunt society. But life was still going and he knew that he should come up with a solution to protect himself from others. He wasn’t physically strong enough at that time to fight them back so he started learning how he can use his mind to manage every things go through. Step by step he analyzed other aunt’s behavior, their hobbies, their abilities and their weakness. For long time he couldn’t sleep whole night and he always prepared for unknown accident. One time, a group of aunts with red eyes surrounded him, he knew when the eyes of other aunts turn to red that means they saw an enemy, he tried hard with all of his power to protect himself and convince them that he is one of them, even he did, but he got bad injury anyway. Sometimes he lost his believe to fare creation because there was no place for him, not out side of his community and not inside. Those hard times made him a patient, clever, manager, social, nimble and kind aunt. He continued to study every move and reaction of others, and tried to find a solution for his protection against their bad mud. He was smart enough to learn things fast and kept his hope alive to bright future. He never stopped accepting his situation as a lost aunt in his community. Days traveled fast and he grew up physically and mentally stronger than others. He almost got twice strong body compared to others and smartest, which made him even more visible. These differences caused him more troubles because he couldn’t be invisible anymore so he got involve in fights most the times. And he learned to not scare anymore and fight back. He became unbreakable for handling really hard and bad situation. He was regular fighter and those daily combats made him strangest and most experienced aunt. After a year challenging in his community, one day he saw the queen in front of his place. The queen came to check on him and evaluated him. She told him that he can be a real king if he can pass his last temptation. She also told him that he was born a little king and his different was on purpose. She told him most little kings can’t make it and only real king will pass those stages. She also said: That last test will be a competition between him and all other aunts. She will be flying faraway and if he will pass all other aunts on his way to get her then he will be a true king. Tomorrow came and he did his job correctly because that competition was nothing compared to all those times he went through in his life. After that he had great feel about his succeed and his present conditions, but he never lost his patient and kindness for others. After all he was king, even most foolish aunts didn’t know it for long time, but he should protect his group anyway.
Written by Mohammad Hosseini

Let see it again

گاهی وقتها از خودم خیلی بدم میاد با اینکه همیشه سعی کردم تو نگاه اول روی ادمها قضاوت نکنم اما گویا اثرات تربیتی دوران کودکی روی من این قدر زیاد هست که تا یکی را می بینم سریع با پیدا کردن اولین ایرادهای اون فرد چشمم را به روی تمامی خصوصیات بارز آن می بندم و بدتر از همه اینکه طبق روال معول و ناپسند جامعه همه چیز را با زشتی ، زیبای ظاهری و ارزش مادی آنها می سنجم ... امان از این روحیه که خیلی عمیق در من و افراد مثل من نفوذ کرده و ما را مانع از دیدن حقایق زیبای زندگی اطرافمان می کند...

همیشه این را شنیدین که افراد عقیده دارند که زندگی آنها ارزش داستان شدن دارد و چه خوبه اگر همه داستان آنها را بدانند و شاید کمکی برای دیگران باشد و من همش می گفتم ای بابا بی خیال همه همین طورند اما الان می فهمم درسته که همه زندگی تقریبا مشابهی دارند اما هر زندگی ارزش خودش را دارد و یکسان بودن آنها چیزی از ارزش آنها کم نمی کند چون گاهی وقتها مرور ساده یک انسان کاملا معمولی به آدم چیزهای را یاد می دهد که هزار تا مطلب علمی و اجتماعی از بیان آن ناتوانند چون الان من عقیده دارم که در زندگی هر کسی لحظاتی وجود دارد که خیلی مهم و سرنوشت ساز هستند و نهوه بر خورد آدمها با این لحظات از آنها انسانهای متفاوت با تواناییهای متفاوت می سازد ....

همیشه شلوغی و با دیگران بودم را دوست داشتم و گمان می کردم که به من مفهوم بودن می دهد اما دیروز فهمیدم این من هستم که به محیط اطرافم معنای بودن می دهم از حالا تنها بودن بی معناست چون هرکجا باشم اطراف با من معنا پیدا خواهد کرد ....
گاهی وقتها گمان می کنم ما چیزی جز خاطراتمان نیستم چون هروقت آنها را با دیگران تقسیم می کنم ان وقت است که مرزهای بودنم را بهتر می توانم لمس کنم ....
یک کتاب ساده در هوای نیمه آفتابی با قهوه ولرم در فنجان سفید بر روی صندلی تنهای در کنج شلوغ کافی شاپ در مقابل دختر خجول تجربه ها با لبخند گرم قهوهچی در سرمای ملایم پاییزی با عکسی از یاد شهر بچگی ها در کتاب و پرواز زنبور طلای در جستجوی طعم شیرین و پیره زنی در پیاده رو با سبد رنگی خرید چقدر بعضی روزهای زندگی زیبا هستند .....
همیشه به خواسته هایمان خواهیم رسید پس چقدر خوب است که برای چه خواستنهایمان بیشتر وقت بگذاریم ......
همه دوستش دارند و تنها علتی که برای آن پیدا کردم این بود که او زندگی را ساده می بیند و سادگیش را دوست دارد .....
آیا این من هستم که دنیا در اطراف من شکل گرفته است ... زیرا هیچ وقت نتوانستم دنیا را از زاویه دیگری ببینم .... اما همیشه شنیدم که ما تنها جزی از این مجموعه بزرگ هستیم ... اما من که هرکجا رفته ام هرچه دیده ام همیشه من در مرکز تمامی آنها قرار داشته ام .... مشکل کار کجاست

The Bridge

I was standing in the edge of bridge on my way to home, staring the fast river deep down of bridge in the late afternoon -Every time when I’m looking from high distance to down, it feels a little bit scary. And seems jumping from that height to down will be a mystery temptation-. I was in my dreamland that I saw a person walking to my direction in the dark. When he was almost behind me he said:
-Nothing better to do?
- To do what?
- Considering to jump!
- I wasn’t considering, just enjoying the view
- No kidding, how is it?
- Who are you?
- I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be sound rude, I’m Yan.
- Is ok even you were, Mohi, so tell me, did you want to do it?
- No! Hell no! I’m walking every night trough this bridge, go to down town for a drink and most the time I saw strangers hanging out here. Some of them got scared when they saw me, some were hidden behind the bridge pillars and some others were so depress that they didn’t even bother to look back to see who is coming.
- Sorry I disappointed you, haha!
- Ok, apparently I deserved it. Tell me how come you are in my night path to the hangover morning?
- Often I’m coming here, it feels good, even sometimes this height makes me to think about jumping. But even if I want to do it, I know much better spot. So when I’m here, I prefer enjoying the view and most important touching the cool breeze rising from the river to my face.
- So then you considered it some how? Tell me.
- It is a long funny story.
- Do you like to have a friendly drink?
- Why not, I know a good place close to here.
We started walking and talking whole way to bar and ended up wasted and laughing to my stupid backup-suicide-plan. I told him:
- Yes, I have a backup plan. You see, these are keys of JF building, main door and roof. I have them in my key holder for two years so if someday I want to do such thing then I will do it from JF building which is exactly located front of my office and I will do it in morning time. Because that spot is crowed and at end there will be a big tragedy and symbolic sign for longtime.
- Are you serious?
- Of course not, haha! I think I drunk too much. I just keep them for fun. Who knows what will happen in future, probably someday I will need them.
- You shouldn’t even carry them. The life is much more beautiful and funniest than we think. Try to enjoy happy moment, go to nature, talk to people, have kids, touch the freshness, run in rain, watch movie, play in grass, walk in moonlight, kiss girls, and lay under sunlight. Every moment of life is a good reason for living. I remember that I was thinking exactly like you and one night I saw a person on that bridge, which changed my life. Now I’m happiest person in the world.
I couldn’t take those nonsense talks anymore and I was waiting for him to finish his talking, to say him goodbye. But seems he doesn't like to stop, so for making him to cut the boring moment. I told him:
- These are the keys, take them, I don’t need them.
- You see, now is better. Someday you look back and remember this time and you will thank me. And in that moment try to help people like I did.
I became more disappointed and felt bad about those silly dialogs. Apparently that was clears in my face because he said directly after that:
- Hope I didn’t go to far.
- Not really, I touched with your wisdom and it was nice meeting you. If you let me I should go to bed and I have a lot to do for tomorrow.
- Have good night and take care.
- ThanX, bye
I told my self “Oh God! Finally is over”. I was so exhausted and I went to sleep as soon as I arrived home.
I waked up morning after several snoozing and warning by clock. It was almost late and I was jumped to shower fast. Having late night drink in weekday is never good idea. My head was killing me, and even I drunk two cups of coffee after the shower but still I felt a strong hangover. I run all the way to bus station and I took the bus in last second. After several minutes I left the bus in nearest station to my office and when I get close to work, I saw crowd other side of street front of JF building. Ambulance and some polices were there. I opened my way between people to see what is going on and I saw something really strange. I couldn’t believe it. Yan, the guy from last night, was lying down on his blood in middle of sidewalk. Most people were saying that he was jumped from the roof of JF. A woman said “God! Such a looser, just wanted to make my day horrible”. Other guy said “I can believe people still do this shit to get some attention, did he know, he could killed somebody else with this stupid act”. One of JF guard with uniform said “look at his hand he carries keys, how he has the damn keys, he doesn’t even work here”. And people said a lot of other things, which made me more embarrassed than I was. Not because I gave him the keys because that I had those keys for two years for someday like this to humiliate myself in most crowd area in the city.
Now I remember Yan's last words, he was right I can't forget him in rest of my life even I want it.
written by Mohammad Hosseini

Seeing myself in my friend

خیلی جالبه که با گذشت زمان انسانها اینقدر عوض می شوند یادم نیست کجا خواندم که نوشته بود اگر کسی را حتی برای مدت چندماه ندیدید خوب بررسی کنید چون ممکن است حرکتی از او ببینید که کاملا قافلگیر کننده باشد .. من نمی خوام کس خواصی را مثال بزنم ولی همین دوماه پیش که ایران رفتم انگار با آدمهای جدیدی برخورد می کردم خیلی رفتارها عوض شده بود البته آخرین بار چهار سال پیش آنجا بودم اما خوب تغییرات هم خیلی زیاد بود ... بگذریم

همیشه خواسته های ما در خواسته جامعه پنهان است و اگر زمانی دریافتیم که واقعا چه می خواهیم آن موقع است که اولین قدم به سمت رهایی را برداشته ایم
بیایید طبیعی باشیم .... نه مهربان نه خشن نه ملایم و نه تند نه سر به زیر و نه پر رو نه انعطاف پذیر و نه سخت
ترس از دست دادن دیگران را با محبت بی جا کردن به دیگران اشتباه نگیریم
این روزها انسانها دلسوز نمی خواهند بلکه درختی برای تکیه دادن می خواهند پس بیایید به جای اینکه از دلمان برای دیگران استفاده کنیم کمی از دستهایمان برای دیگران کمک بگیریم
لحظه ای که به نقطه ای رسیدی که دیگر از زندگی چیزی نمی خواهی یعنی روح خود را گم کرده ای
لحظه ای که دیگران از اشتباهای تو به راحتی صرف نظر می کنند یعنی اینکه آنها کاملا از تو قطع امید کرده اند
لبخند را فراموش نکن حتی اگر دروغین است زیرا هیچ چیز به تنهای معنی ندارد مگر آنکه ما به آنها معنی ببخشیم

خیلی دوست داشتم یک بار دیگر او را ببینم همیشه آرزوی من هم صحبتی با او بود سالها گذشت و دیروز دوباره او را دیدم کمی پیر شده بود و خمیده دیگر نگاهش برق نداشت و قامتش کوتاه تر به نظر می آمد مانند مردم کوچه بازار حرف می زد و هوشمندی در صورتش جای خود را به گمشدگی داده بود تمام عشقش بارور کردن اطرافیان بود که به او عظمت و احترام می داد اما دیروز تمام فکرش پیدا کردن دوست قدیمی بود تا لحظه اکنونش معنی پیدا کند زمان می گذرد و ما در گذشت زمان آرام آرام گم می شویم

دلم برای گمشدگیم می سوزد چقدر غریبه شده ام چقدر فاصله گرفته ام چقدر دیگر خودم نیستم اول گمان می کردم که چه احساس خوبی اما حالا می بینم چه ترفند بزرگی
کاش معنی دیگران را دوباره می فهمیدم کاش طعم زمان زیبای لذت همکاری و دلتنگی را دوباره می چشیدم اما این به معنی بزرگ شدن است و چه آرام و ناخواسته بزرگ شدیم و نفهمیدیم
قلبم می تپد چشمهایم میلرزد و بدنم مدام سرد وسردتر می شود احساس می کنم چیزی از درونم گم شده است ترس آرام دامن سیاه خودش را به من نشان می دهد و تازه می فهمم من همه چیز را سیاه و سفید می بینم از کی دنیا دیگر برای من رنگی نیست یادم نیست یادم نیست
صدای عزیزانم هر هفته از پشت فرسنگها سیم و کابل به گوش می رسد اما احساسشان در پشت مرزهای ملیت زندانی شده است انگار که در صحنه تئاتری هستم که تمامی لامپها خاموشند .. بعضی وقتها گریه ها و لبخند ها بی صدا هستند و تاریکی مانع از دیدنشان می شود

Two Facts of Social Life

Today I was reading a book and I saw two interested paragraphs and I tough it will good if I share it with people
FIRST PARAGRAPH: “People are sad because they are prisoner of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things, other people’s ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they forget their dreams. “
I think I mentioned same subject before in one of my friendly chats. The point is most people are lost in their societies. They really don’t know what their dreams are about. They were learned how to follow normal society rules and put step in the same foot steps as others. And if somebody wants to sign his own song then he will be adjusted to annihilation. One time a friend of mine (Mehdi Janghi) said, “the layers of society are really strong and it kills people who are between them”. That means each society is designed to many layers and you should live in one of those layers, but not between them on your own layer, then you can service.
SECOND PARAGRAPH: “that is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we loose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.”
It is interesting that the facts of life are same for every body and it doesn’t matter who you are and where you born. You always will be ended up with same question of life. Even most people are same but not all of them have a chance to show themselves, but it doesn’t means there is nothing to show, look at this link even a simple move from nobody can make million of people to laugh and makes that person celebrity.

being alive is not the living

چند وقتی بود که می خواستم به زبان خودمون مطلب بنویسم اما از بس روی این کیبورد سوئدی با ماژیک سیدی فارسی تایپ کردم بعد پاک شد که منصرف شدم بدترین قسمت اون این بود که وقتی شروع به تایپ می کردم اثر ات ماژیک تا شب روی دستم باقی می ماند و اصلا نمی رفت گویا ماژیک روی دست بیشتر می ماند تا روی صفحه کیبورد ...

این روزها زمان سریع می گذرد و من ته دلم مدام دلهره است دلهره ای که نه می شود گفت زیبا نه می شود گفت بد . یاد قدیم وآرزوهای کوچکیمان می افتم آدم هرچی بیشتر بزرگ می شود جدیترو منطقی تر هم می شود تا به جای می رسد که حتی قدرت آرزو کردن هم ندارد برای همین الان تا می خواهم به آرزوی جدیدی فکر کنم تمام مشکلات و مسائل روزمره سراقم می آید و می بینم که کلی کارهای نیمه تمام و وظایف انجام نشده دروبرم ریخته که باید به آنها برسم به نظر من تنها آرزوی که الان می شود کرد با این همه مشغله این است که فرصتی برای آرزو کردن پیش بیاید یعنی آرزو کنم که دوباره بتوانم مثل بچگی آرزو کنم ...

آدمها بزرگ می شوند اما نه واقعا و نه با همان رشدی که از دوران کودکی آغاز کرده بودند آنها کم کم یاد می گیرند که جسور نباشند شجاع نباشند و سعی کنند هرچی می توانند زندگی را ثابت و منظم کنند به غول معروم سرعت زندگی را بگیرند و در کنار آن یک گوشه تا آخر عمر با خوبی خوشی زندگی کنند درست مثل تمام آخر داستانهای مادر بزرگها .. اما خیلی خنده دار است که تمام آن داستانها با خوبی و خوشی تمام می شد اما هیچ وقت به ما یاد ندادند که به خوبی و خوشی تا آخر عمر زندگی کردن یعنی چه .. مثلا قصه سیندرلا بعد از اینکه انها بلاخره به هم رسیدند تازه اول مشکلات مشترکشان است مخصوصا که همدیگر را هم به خوبی نمی شناختند وتازه دفعه دوم بود که همدیگر را دیده بودند خلاصه مگه چند روز می توانم توی همان فضای دوست داشتن و عاشق بودن زندگی کرد بلاخره اختلافها بیرون می آید بلاخره بچه ها به دنیا می ایند و زمان هزار جور پستی بلندی در مسیر راه آنها قرار می دهد و تا به خودشان می آیند می بینند درگیر یکسری مسائل روزمره زندگی شده اند که یا روزمرگی آنها را آزار می دهد یا مشکلات همراه با ان .. همیشه دلم می خواست بدانم که سیندرلا ده یا بیست سال بعد از زندگی مشترک چه روزه گاری خواهد داشت .. شما چه فکر می کنید ...

گویا خیلی وقته فارسی تایپ نردم خواشحالی فارسی تایپ ردن اینقدر زیاده که هرچی به ذهنم می آید می نویسم بدون اینکه بهش فکر کنم و یا جهتی به نوشته ها بدهم ...

برگردیم سر روزمرگی خودمان ببینیم که امورز چه چیزی از درون بیرون می اید و روی کاغذ ثبت می شود ...

کودکی را دوست دارم وبزرگ شدن را بیشتر دوست دارم اما بزرگ بودن را دوست ندارم اشکال کار اینجاست ...

تمام هیجانات زندگی برای این است که روزی بتوانی با آسایش در گوشه ای زندگی کنی پس بیایید با آسایش همین الان در گوشه ای از زندگی زندگی کنیم و هیجانات را بسپاریم بدست آینده ...

چیزی از زندگی نمی خواهم مگر سادگی و ولی گویا همین سادگی گرانترین چیزی است که می توانی به آن برسی ...

همیشه زود گم می شوم ولی مدتها طول می کشد تا خود را پیدا کنم ...

قدم اول مهمترین قدم زندگی است شاید برای همین است که مدتهای زیادی در همین قدم اول زندگی باقی مانده ام ...

این روزها از پشتکار , خلافقیت , تکاپو و هدفمند بودن تنها تعریفی در ذهن من باقی مانده است . . .

به اندازه توانائی هایم تلاش نمی کنم و این مرا آزار می دهد ...

سه اصل مهم زنده بودن , زندگی کردن و اگاهی از دو اصل اول ..

زندگی سخت است زندگی آسان است زندگی هیچ چیز نیست زندگی زیباست زندگی پیچیده است زندگی ساده و آرام است زندگی جریان دارد زندگی چون دیوار بلندی است زندگی رابطه من و تو است زندگی تنهای جاودانه است زندگی مرز خواب و بیداری است زندگی نفس کشیدن لحظه به لحظه ماست زندگی آواز زیبای پرنده است زندگی شکار کردن برای زنده ماندن است زندگی صلح است زندگی مبارزه هروزه است زندگی نتیجه آفرینش است زندگی بهره بردن از خلقت است زندگی سکون است زندگی دست و پا زدن ودر مشلاکت روزمره است زندگی امید است زندگی پذیرفتن و دنباله رفتن است زندگی با مرگ پیایان می یابد زندگی با مرگ معنی پیدا می کند زندگی تولد است زندگی تولد می یابد زندگی مال همه موجودات زنده است زندگی همیشه شامل معدودی از انسانها می شود ... من زندگی میکنم .. من زندگی نمی کنم ... من اصلا نمی دانم زندگی کردن یعنی چه ... من زندگی کردن را خوب فهمیده ام ... من زندگی را هیگاه ندیده ام .. من با زندگی زندگی کرده ام ... و ....

Why she is look like a boy?

Every country has some unwritten social rules that you should indirectly deal with them. One of most important thing in modern life is starting relationship. Based on the history, culture, social economy, life style and many other things of each country, the relation between two couple has different faces. In the modern society with good economy, women have more influence than old fashion one and that makes the rules of partnership more complicated and confuse. I think each gender should keep its own characters, men should be more masculine and women should be more feminine. So as much as seeing a straight boy in ladies cloth with make up is embarrassing and unexpected, seeing girls with men personality and character are not enjoyable either. These days if you walk through the street and see most women are so busy with their career and mostly they forget even they are women especially they work hard as much as male people and they live like them and even they talk and dress like them. I think this is not attractive at all. Every thing is missed up, so this days you go in the public places and see group of people but most of group are some girls together or some boys together and there are many rules for getting close to each other. Most girls who are independent in their social life they want something especial even in their partnership they want very masculine men with strong personality, good looking, successful job and unique so they start to reject every men who has not one of those things and after while you can see many single men in each community that never happen to be in real relationship to a least learn something about it. In other hand easy life style in modern country, which everything is prepared for men, don’t let them to have enough experience for solving social problem, fighting, hunting, being hero or protecting family. The number of these inexperienced men increase every year and after while you can see many young and middle age men, with no partnership in their life and no confidence, are hanging out with each other every weekend night. In other hand a lot of single women with some unrealistic dream hanging out other side of life. Both of them waste most perfect time of their life for searching something that doesn’t exist. I think some part of life is natural we can’t do anything about it such as eating, sleeping, communicating, etc. So every thing should goes as the way it is, we can’t make new rules for some part of nature. I think some of these behaviors are against the nature of human being and by destroying them we make life more complicated and more difficult to live in it. So its better women act, dress, talk, walk more feminine as well as men do it opposite for going everything in natural way.

Is it true that we should always be nice to others?

I was discussing a subject (what dose "being nice to people" mean?) with a Swedish friend who is a psychotropic in Lund city. He mentioned that he was seeing a patient who had a problem for being nice to people. After many many negotiations they came up with this conclusion that he should be more aggressive some time and after a year this person became completely successful in his privet and his social life specially with dating girl and doing his job. I think for all males the job and relationship are two most important things in their life and sometime they should be more active and tight about their action against others to keep things go through perfectly. I remember that one night I was in a dance club a new place that I never was before and I just wanted to be in a crowd area with loud music to forget about my problem for a moment. I’m usually nice with people not too nice but nice enough but that day I wasn’t myself and I was all about forgetting the life pressure. I was standing in the corner of bar and watching people who were dancing and shaking. In the middle of night, club became so crowded and there was no place to stand up easily without pushing people. A group of four girls and two boys were making a lot of noise and move near me. It happened one of the girl lost her control and almost fall down on me and I was pointing her out and said: “Take it easy, what is wrong with you, why you are pushing it so hard crazy b...” and some other things which I don’t want to mention them now. One of other girls started talking behalf of her and after while, many words were interchanged and their group moved to other side of bar and when there were leaving I just found out that girl is kind of cute and on shape. Anyway I was on my bad mud and I did same to some other people too. After while when time passed to the midnight, near 3pm, I went to bar to order one more drink to call it night. I was waiting next some guys for ordering that I saw the same jumpy girl next to me and she was acting like a kitty and who is looking up to me. I told her what do you want and she said nothing. My term came to order and I asked for my usual drink and before I prepare to pay it the girl came closer and said: “do you mind that I take it for you?” …. !! .... It never happened to me before and I didn’t know what should I say and just asked her why? She said: for saying sorry about the thing just did while ago and then we started talking and one goes to another we were seeing each other for 2 months until every things were fall apart like most normal relations. But it came a time that I asked her a month after we were dating that what was happened in that night we met for a first time and why did you actually come to me? She said: because nobody talked to me that way for long time and most the time people are too nice to me and it’s boring. I just want it to experience something new and apparently you are the same person look like whole other nice people that I dated before only you were different for one night and that was our first night. Probably that was a same key for breaking up after two months dating. So is this system working with every girls or just group of them? Should we be more active, a little more offensive and masculine? If it is true then we will go back to my old vision of social fact that “being nice means living for others and ignoring your needs”. This fact makes security life for others and puts pressure and extra energy on you and when you share your life with somebody else they need you to be like a person who can make their life secure not design it completely for other people life and they need to be sure that you have the basic potential for fighting things trough in their life and live for them more others and be hero in some moments of life.

The life has many faces

I think life never get completed and there will be always something to bother you. Losing hope is not good in those bothering moment because by accepting the fact that hope is not alive any more you will invite worst things in your life and believe me life has much more worst faces than we ever have seen before. There is always an answer for each problem in our life and the border between a happy life and hell is only thin layer of accident. If we feel we’re not satisfy it’s better to find the answer of problem. Most things in real life become part of our life when we’re trying enough and going right direction and not expecting that much. Seems a tricky deal! I don’t know I always had more than I wanted and I never had those things I asked for it whole my life. I try really hard and I got close to them and when stopped trying then I lost them again. So should I stop trying then probably I will get them any way or should I increase trying to have them by spending a lot of time and energy to keep them. Life is simple as we see it, and complicated as we want it. There is nothing free for anybody and if you have them that because somebody putted a lot of hard work to prepare it for you or you did on your own and if you don’t have them that means you have long way to go in a road with unclear destination. And there will be always some questions with you that makes you keep going or stop walking such as, is worth it whole those trouble to get such a success, is there any guarantee to keep them when we have them, Do I actually will have them, Do I will be happy with them, and how far I can go with it?
Did you know this fact that life is reaction not action? I think that’s true life is reaction and it waits and looks at our actions and then reacts based on whole other parts. Many things are involve in this reaction like; when, where, with whom, how and why we are doing such those things we usually do? These questions lead us to the fact that a long as we have good knowledge of our life and our surrounded life we will choose our actions and by that we will choose the life reaction. In other hand having whole knowledge of life is impossible sometimes when we think that we are doing it really good actually we are petty far from our wanted conclusions or should I say real facts. At the end I want to say shortly, be proud but not too much, let’s try hard and not expect high, learn more about things that you’re using them most, go as far as you can for knowing inside as well as outside, find relation between different parts of life, make free your emotion in logical boxes, do your best action and trust the reaction of life and lay down sometimes on the pressure of life and just look at nature to see how it works.

Academic Job

There is a list of some familiar website to search about academic job for those people who are hunting international research position, good luck with that ….

http://www.tedjob.com

http://www.phds.org

http://www.jobs.ac.uk

http://www.newscientistjobs.com

http://www.getscholarship.net

http://www.academicjobseu.com

http://engineering.academickeys.com

http://careers.physicstoday.org

http://www.postdoctorate.net

http://www.thesciencejobs.com

http://www.euron.org

http://ec.europa.eu

http://tiptop.iop.org

http://www.postdocjobs.com

http://www.postdoc.com

http://www.findapostdoc.com

http://www.nationalpostdoc.org

http://www.nationalacademies.org

http://www.nationalpostdoc.org

http://www.jobster.com

http://www.post-doc.net

http://www.careerjet.com

http://careers.biospace.com

http://www.eurosys.org

http://www.career.edu

http://www.earthworks-jobs.com

http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org

What the judgmental look is about?

Last week when I was home and I was talking to my brother which I saw him after four years our conversation ended up with this sentences that he told me “when you are walking on street and somebody is staring at you that means there is something inside you that he/she feels lack of it in himself/herself and when he/she is reacting hard about it such as he/she starts wounding your feeling or mocking your act that means they still didn’t accept their weakness and believe your power” I think it is so weak if we try to get point by making other people look bad. Even every body thinks they already know this fact but it happens in their life they do something stupid to present themselves with price of making others upset or look bad. Being grown up and act like one is difficult thing to do and even most people think they are when time comes they never act like it. Many years ago I was reading an article about human social behavior and I saw this sentence, “everybody stop growing mentally and socially in one age of their life that means some people were always act like 13 years old person and some grow elder like 20 years old or more and few people actually grow up exact same age as they are”. So even we can see in our society most people act like a child, talk, live and even make decision that way. In conclusion if you see somebody is doing something wrong or even talking nonsense you should put it in his/her childhood behavior and try to understand his/her source of action as an adult because two child can be friend as easiest as become enemy and it is our responsibility to lead them for friendship and show them true way but we shouldn’t forget to act like adult not a child … most people are not that bad but a lot of them they don’t grow up enough to know those things that they are doing are wrong …

Release ...

I think first time I saw her in supermarket near my home when I was buying a bottle of milk. She was at least ten years elder and completely grown up and I was just a high school boy with a lot of energy and dreams. I didn’t know why I felt close to her and I never had that kind of instinct feeling to somebody else before. She lived two blocks away from my family house and I randomly was seeing her in street after school. One day I decided to follow her to see where exactly she is living and after that every time I had a chance I went to seat front of her house to see her again and again. I think most of my dream at that time was about her and usually ended up w-dream. I didn’t know that I should be sorry for myself or that kind of feeling was natural but I knew it was different I couldn’t say it was love because there was not emotional pain, love heart beating or pumping blood in vessel but it was totally human instinct. One time I follow her to shop and I get completely close to her and I never felt alive like that before I strongly wanted to hug her. My muscles condensed and my mind stopped working and I didn’t know what was inside her that absorbed me that much. My behavior was continuing same way and after several months she started to see me as well. She almost knew that I was following her and seating front of her house and having big problem about her. I didn’t know why I didn’t want to have any social or logic contact with her I mean I didn’t want to talk to her or know about her I just wanted to be with her in same place without any conversation or sharing information. One time when I was seating front of her house I saw her behind the window, she was watching me and her eyes were considering something as well. We had eye contact for almost two minutes and then she closed the curtains. Since that day she was coming out of her house more often and in the shop she was getting closer to me as well. I could see there was something between us but I didn’t know what exactly was it and I hoped probably she knew about it. The time went fast and we started to truth each other more and more and got closer to each other physically. One time happened we went to neighbor-park and seated on the same chair for an hour without talking only thing I could hear, was beating of my scared-heart and then I tried to put my hand near her and when I looked at her she was doing same. Finally our day came and one day her family left the house and she knew I was seating outside and she came to the back yard door and opened the door and looked at me and left the door open and went back inside. I started walking to her house and when I was in her back yard she was inside the living room and looked at me. I went to living room and saw her seating on the sofa ….

I run out from her house I think I was in her house for two hours we didn’t talk but we did a lot of things without even look at each other eyes. Those things were strange and when I left her house I started crying I didn’t know I was happy or upset but I knew something happen to me that never happen before. I cried whole way to home, I felt release and lively. I never went to see her again actually I never felt to see her again either. I had my time and probably she had it too and we never found out what was that feel between us and even we never talked about it but both of us knew that fact. I saw her randomly in street sometime we smiled to each other, there were nothing to shame or embarrass and in other hand both of us knew there were nothing to go forward either.

Short Journey

This year summer is showing up the new power of being hot. I can’t believe how hot was back home in last two weeks. I couldn’t even think about going out and enjoying the city attraction. Anyway, after spending two weeks in one of hottest spot in the world and absorbed tons of shining energy from sun, I came back Sweden. I think I never gonna try Iranian summer again; I almost lost some part of my body in that heat. Most interesting part of this trip was my family and because of sun and summer holiday we were hanging out whole day long. I learned something new that I never learned before. I always though my brothers and my sisters are completely different and each of us has really unique personality but after five years separation and living with many strangers now I can strongly say that my family members are really similar only with few different which mostly is physically, not personality. They had same thinking structure as I do and they react against every look like I do. Even each of us has different life style and dream but that doesn’t mean we are different. I can totally say, we are same but in various situation. For example, my younger brother is me if I was decided to become a house constructor. He never wants to continue his study and he always want it to be a working constructor and he became one of them and he dose it good and he likes it. I remember when I was younger we rebuild our house and every body in family worked together and in that time I was so upset of my working and even I worked much better than others but I knew that job was not mine. Now I’m working in university that I like it most and my brother works with small company and both of us do our job in same way and even fight for our life in same way. I think having same life background is really important for each person and makes big different from other. So if you want to know who is exactly look like you then try to see who was living exact situation that you did.

Rainy Girl

I look out side every morning to see her again. She always wears same style, pink scarf, gray coat and skirt, white shirt and shoes. I don’t know she has many same clothes or she just has one set of clothe. I like her when she is biting her breakfast in the corner of bus station and looking periodically to see if is bus coming or not. Today is cloudy and windy and I’m petty much sure that rain will be coming any moment soon. I put some milk on the top of my breakfast-serial and start eating it behind the window. Now I can see her from far away. She is coming to bus station on time every day and she has her breakfast in her hand. Suddenly weather becomes rainy and every body in street runs for a roof to keep it dry, except her. She doesn’t even change her step faster. She opens her arms and looks to the sky, seems she is hugging the rain. I think it is first time I see her smiling. She stays a little bit and rotates on her foot then stops. Her look becomes serious again and she starts walking to the station again. Under the roof of bus station she is eating her breakfast. I look at her, I never see somebody who eats freely in that crowed station without even look at other people reaction. We finish our meal in same time. I wear my pants and come back to the window to see her. She walks back under the rain again and every body starts staring at her. She looks up to see the sky and in the corner of her eyes she sees me behind the windows in third floor. Our eyes get direct contact for a moment and then she looks other way and closes her eyes face to face with the rain. Bus comes and people are rushing to it but she still standing under the rain and when last person get in the bus then she walks inside the bus. She stands behind the door and when the door is closed and bus moves to go she looks at me and covers her face with pink scarf except her eyes and then she shakes her hand as a goodbye sign and winks.

written by Mohammad Hosseini

Playing Game

Being confused in partnership is most difficult part of any relation and takes a lot of time to get read of it and most the times is including “playing game” between two persons. We should remember when we start to handle a game in the relationship that means something big is missing. The game is mostly happened between two people who just met and they are not sure about each other situations. I personally don’t like it but sometimes you need to get involve to it because if you never try it then how you can find somebody that you like. Most girls like to show that they are hard catch and because of that they put first step and doesn’t matter how much they like men they need a proof. According to reality, most social girls get approach every week so they have a lot of experience of different men moves. After while they come up with a solution to filter some of regular men and focus on specific one and those games are some part of their filtering and probably they need it to not do same mistake with men over and over again. Some of typical girlish games are as follow:
Girls are answering your call fast to make it hot and then no answering for while to make it cold to check your reaction and come up with an answer for important question, “why that man is interesting to her?”
Girls start looking at your eyes and your body language and ask simple question that they already know the answer or they can guess it to find “that man is a person who telling truth or not”
Girls say no; when you give them choice to choose because they don’t want to be responsible for doing things wrong such as “are you coming to movie with me?”
Girls say yes; when they find out men are loosing their interest because girls want to meet ideal person and when guy is cooling down they feel safer with him such as “I’m going to dinner with some friends and their friends do want to come?”
Girls usually make lame excuse to check men to see “how desperate men are? Or how much men fight for them?”
And many other games that are out of my time to explain. Now a new question is coming up; do we think these games and filtering would help us? Big problem about the filtering people is that two kinds of people are passing those filters. First is our favorite match and second is professional serial dater and as you can see those two persons are really different and they will affect your life differently, which makes you either happy or sad. In bottom line, what we should do about it? Should we practice to prepare for those games and get involve in many relation to find our final match – or - Should be honest and looking forward to someday that somebody show up in our life and makes us happy person in the world?
written by Mohammad Hosseini